Losing Engines
Two blondes were flying to Miami from Cleveland. Fifteen minutes into the flight, the captain announced "One of the engines has failed and the flight will be an hour longer. But don't worry we have three engines left".
Thirty minutes later, the captain announced "One more engine has failed and the flight will be two hours longer. But don't worry we have two engines left".
An hour later the capain announced "One more engine has failed and the flight will be three hours longer. But don't worry we have one engine left".
One blonde looked at the other the other blonde and said "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day" Three Vampires in a Bar
Three vampires walk into a bar and sit down at a table. The waitress comes over and asks the first vampire what he would like. The first vampire responds, "I vould like some blood."
The waitress turns to the second vampire and asks what he would like. The vampire responds, "I vould like some blood."
The waitress turns to the third vampire and asks what he would like. The vampire responds, "I vould like some plasma."
The waitress looks up and says, "Let me see if I have this order correct. You want two bloods and a blood light?"
Thirty minutes later, the captain announced "One more engine has failed and the flight will be two hours longer. But don't worry we have two engines left".
An hour later the capain announced "One more engine has failed and the flight will be three hours longer. But don't worry we have one engine left".
One blonde looked at the other the other blonde and said "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day"
The waitress turns to the second vampire and asks what he would like. The vampire responds, "I vould like some blood."
The waitress turns to the third vampire and asks what he would like. The vampire responds, "I vould like some plasma."
The waitress looks up and says, "Let me see if I have this order correct. You want two bloods and a blood light?"
Top Ten Canadian Complaints Against Americans
1. Won't acknowledge enormous cultural contributions of Howie Mandel.
2. We're pretty sure they're holding Wayne Gretzky down there against his will.
3. Every time we mention the city "Regina," they won't stop giggling.
4. Incredibly, they only have one word for "snow"
5. In American encyclopedias, Canada is often called "North Dakota's gay neighbor"
6. They call it American cheese, even though it was invented by Canadian superstar Gordon Lightfoot
7. They've never even heard of our most popular superhero, Captain Saskatchewan
8. Two words: "Weird Al"
9. Get all confused when we ask a question that ends with "eh?"
10. Not enough guys named "Gordie"
2. We're pretty sure they're holding Wayne Gretzky down there against his will.
3. Every time we mention the city "Regina," they won't stop giggling.
4. Incredibly, they only have one word for "snow"
5. In American encyclopedias, Canada is often called "North Dakota's gay neighbor"
6. They call it American cheese, even though it was invented by Canadian superstar Gordon Lightfoot
7. They've never even heard of our most popular superhero, Captain Saskatchewan
8. Two words: "Weird Al"
9. Get all confused when we ask a question that ends with "eh?"
10. Not enough guys named "Gordie"
Top Ten Things That Upset Your Dog
1. Blaming your farts on me... not funny... not funny at all !!!
2. Yelling at me for barking.. I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG, YOU IDIOT!
3. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this anyway?
4. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose... stop it!
5. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home.
6. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! Whoooo Hoooooooo what a proud moment for the top of the food chain.
7. Taking me to the vet for "the big snip", then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back!
8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.
9.Dog sweaters. Hello ? Haven't you noticed the fur?
2. Yelling at me for barking.. I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG, YOU IDIOT!
3. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this anyway?
4. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose... stop it!
5. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home.
6. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! Whoooo Hoooooooo what a proud moment for the top of the food chain.
7. Taking me to the vet for "the big snip", then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back!
8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.
9.Dog sweaters. Hello ? Haven't you noticed the fur?
10. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth, you're just jealous.
Now lay off me on some of these thing's, We both know who's boss here! You don't see me picking up your poop do you ?
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