ΑΝΕΚΔΟΤΑ -ΒΡΑΔΥΝΑ ΑΝΕΚΔΟΤΑ 27/3/2013

Jokes by ArcaMax, sponsored today by:

The next big U.S. bankruptcy will shock most investors  The Maryland Man who predicted the collapse of GM, Fannie Mae, and Freddie Mac says the answer will surprise you. One of the country's leading financial newspapers has already written a story citing this man's accurate predictions. Now, find out who's going bankrupt next. View the full analysis, free of charge, here.

What it REALLY means "I can't find it," REALLY MEANS, "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless." "That's women's work," REALLY MEANS, "It's dirty, difficult and thankless." "Will you marry me?" REALLY MEANS, "Both my roommates have moved out, I can't find the washer, and there is no more peanut butter." "It's a guy thing," REALLY MEANS, "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical." "Can I help with dinner?" REALLY MEANS, "Why isn't it already on the table?" "It would take too long to explain, "REALLY MEANS, "I have no idea how it works." "I'm getting more exercise lately," REALLY MEANS, "The batteries in the remote are dead." Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

Sponsor Enter to Win a New Kia Sorento(R) Plus a $10,000 Gas Card! Just take a short survey, and you'll be automatically entered to win. It's your chance to win this SUV with a 5-star safety rating. Plus, the winner gets a bonus $10,000 gas card! Click to get started!

What it REALLY REALLY Means "We're going to be late," REALLY MEANS, "Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac." "Take a break, honey, you're working too hard, "REALLY MEANS, "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner." "That's interesting, dear," REALLY MEANS, "Are you still talking?" "Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love, REALLY MEANS, "I forgot our anniversary again." "It's really a good movie," REALLY MEANS, "It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and good looking women." "You know how bad my memory is," REALLY MEANS, "I remember the words to the theme song of "F Troop", the address of the first girl I kissed, the Vehicle Identification Number of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday." "Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself. It's no big deal," REALLY MEANS, "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt." "I do help around the house," REALLY MEANS, "I once threw a dirty towel near the laundry basket." Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

What it REALLY REALLY REALLY Means "What did I do this time?" REALLY MEANS, "What did you catch me doing?" "She's one of the rabid feminists," REALLY MEANS, "She refused to make my coffee." "I heard you," REALLY MEANS, "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me." "You really look terrific in that outfit," REALLY MEANS, "Please don't try on another outfit. I'm starving." "I missed you," REALLY MEANS, "I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry and we are out of toilet paper." "I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are," REALLY MEANS, "No one will ever see us alive again." "We share the housework," REALLY MEANS, "I make the messes. She cleans them up." "I don't need to read the instructions," REALLY MEANS, "I am perfectly capable of messing it up without printed help." Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

Secret to a Long Marriage Some people ask the secret of Anthony's long marriage. They take time to go to a restaurant two times a week: a little candlelight dinner, soft music, and a slow walk home. The Mrs. goes Tuesdays; He goes Fridays. Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

Social Security column and more from ArcaMax Senior Living Check out ArcaMax's Senior Living channel, featuring news and advice for seniors on retirement, health, and more. Learn more about social security benefits, get health tips just for seniors, and more. Subscribe instantly to the Senior Living weekday email newsletter for daily news and feature stories. -- From the ArcaMax editors -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Jokes by ArcaMax, sponsored today by: The next big U.S. bankruptcy will shock most investors  The Maryland Man who predicted the collapse of GM, Fannie Mae, and Freddie Mac says the answer will surprise you. One of the country's leading financial newspapers has already written a story citing this man's accurate predictions. Now, find out who's going bankrupt next. View the full analysis, free of charge, here. Editor's Note: You receive Late Night Jokes because you are subscribed to the Jokes ezine. This PM edition is sent Monday through Friday. Click here to stop receiving the evening edition. Late Night Funny #1 Newt Gingrich tweeted that canceling the (White House Easter Egg) Roll is 'shameless and pathetic, because when you don't commemorate Jesus by screwing around with food, freedom dies.' And then, to honor eggs everywhere, he fell off a wall. Bill Maher Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It Sponsor Enter to Win a New Kia Sorento(R) Plus a $10,000 Gas Card! Just take a short survey, and you'll be automatically entered to win. It's your chance to win this SUV with a 5-star safety rating. Plus, the winner gets a bonus $10,000 gas card! Click to get started! Late Night Funny #2 Can we at least stop saying that the job of pope is so hard, such a burden no one would even want it? What?! Okay, first of all, you're selling an invisible product. It doesn't get any easier than that. No one is ever going to come back from the dead and say, "Ah, it's bullstuff up there; there's no heaven." "It's just an empty lot."  Hard job? All a pope does is talk, and everything you say is right, by definition. And you're there for life. Talk about tenure. And what other business could you be in where your company gets caught running a child sex ring since forever, and you still keep your customers? Bill Maher Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It Late Night Funny #3 Top Ten Things Overheard at the Popes' Lunch 10. "Are you seeing anyone?" 9. "I just love the Vatican City Cheesecake Factory" 8. "Hmm, what would Jesus order?" 7. "Who do you have to canonize to get some coffee around here?" 6. "I know I'm infallible, but I should've gone with the chicken" 5. "Which of you had the margarita, no salt?" 4. "Cardinals be crazy" 3. "Why didn't I think of being the humble Pope?" 2. "Oh look at the time, I should get back to poping" 1. "Put it on God's tab" David Letterman Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It Late Night Funny #4 When someone finally scores a goal in soccer, don't ruin it with a Nazi salute. Yes, this was the goal celebration of a young, Greek player last week. Then again, with all the money the Germans have spent bailing out Greece, maybe this is just his way of saying "thank you." Bill Maher Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It Social Security column and more from ArcaMax Senior Living Check out ArcaMax's Senior Living channel, featuring news and advice for seniors on retirement, health, and more. Learn more about social security benefits, get health tips just for seniors, and more. Subscribe instantly to the Senior Living weekday email newsletter for daily news and feature stories. -- From the ArcaMax editors