Lemons
A woman went to a Florida lemon grove to apply for a job, but the foreman thought she seemed way too qualified for the position. "Do you even have any actual experience picking lemons?" he asked.
"Well, I think I do." she replied. "I've been divorced three times
"Well, I think I do." she replied. "I've been divorced three times
It's a Girl
Stationed in Okinawa, Japan, my son and his wife were expecting their first baby. I was elated when he called me at work with the news of my grandchild's birth. I took down all the statistics and turned to relate it all to my co-workers.
"I'm a grandmother!" I declared. "It's a baby girl, and she weighs five pounds." "When was she born?" someone asked. Recalling the date my son told me, I stopped, looked at the calendar, and said in amazement, "Tomorrow!" |
Pretty Lights
Judi was sitting at the defendant table while the state trooper was being cross-examined on the witness stand.
The lawyer asked, "When you stopped Judi, were your red and blue lights flashing?" "Yes, sir, they were." "Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?" "Yes, sir, she did." "And," looking at Judi, "what was it she said?" "She said, 'What disco am I at?'" |
Barnyard Humor
What happens when geese land in a volcano?
They cook their own gooses!
What do you call a pig with no clothes on?
Streaky bacon!
What is a horse's favorite sport?
Stable tennis!
What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?
An udder failure!
What do you give a sick pig?
Oinkment!
They cook their own gooses!
What do you call a pig with no clothes on?
Streaky bacon!
What is a horse's favorite sport?
Stable tennis!
What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?
An udder failure!
What do you give a sick pig?
Oinkment!
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