Tightwad Flyers
Sue and Bob, a pair of tightwads, lived in the midwest, and had been married for years. Bob had always wanted to go flying. The desire deepened each time a barnstormer flew into town to offer rides.
Bob would ask, and Sue would say, "No way, ten bucks is ten bucks."
The years went by, and Bob figured he didn't have much longer, so he got Sue out to the show by explaining, "It's free to watch, let's at least watch." Once he got there, the feeling become real strong and an argument started.
Between flights the pilot overheard and said, "I'll tell you what. I'll take you up flying, and if you don't say a word the ride is on me. But if you make one sound, you pay the ten dollars."
So off they flew, the Pilot doing as many rolls, and dives as he could, heading to the ground as fast as the plane could go and pulling out of the dive at the very last second. Through all this the couple said not a word. Finally he admitted defeat and went back the airport.
"I'm surprised, why didn't you say anything?"
"Well I almost said something when Sue fell out, but ten bucks is ten bucks."
Bob would ask, and Sue would say, "No way, ten bucks is ten bucks."
The years went by, and Bob figured he didn't have much longer, so he got Sue out to the show by explaining, "It's free to watch, let's at least watch." Once he got there, the feeling become real strong and an argument started.
Between flights the pilot overheard and said, "I'll tell you what. I'll take you up flying, and if you don't say a word the ride is on me. But if you make one sound, you pay the ten dollars."
So off they flew, the Pilot doing as many rolls, and dives as he could, heading to the ground as fast as the plane could go and pulling out of the dive at the very last second. Through all this the couple said not a word. Finally he admitted defeat and went back the airport.
"I'm surprised, why didn't you say anything?"
"Well I almost said something when Sue fell out, but ten bucks is ten bucks."
Alligator Shoes
A man was on holiday in the depths of Louisiana, where he tried to buy some Alligator shoes. However he was not prepared to pay the high prices, and after having failed to haggle the vendor down to a reasonable price level, ended up shouting "I don't give two hoots for your shoes man, I'll go and kill my own "croc!," to which the shopkeeper replied, "by all means, just watch out for those two "ole boys" who are doing the same!".
So the man went out into the Bayou, and after a while saw two men with spears, standing still in the water. 'They must be the 'ole boys' he thought. Just at that point he noticed an alligator moving in the water towards one of them. The guy stood completely passive, even as the gator came ever closer. Just as the beast was about to swallow him, he struck home with his spear and wrestled the gator up onto the beach, where several were already lying. Together the two guys threw the gator onto its back, whereupon one exclaimed "Darn! This one doesn't have any shoes either!" |
Flies on a Log
Beth Vorhees of public TV fame said her daughter, Diana, a third-grader, was to give a demonstration speech at school. She planned to demonstrate how to make "Flies on a Log" which consists of peanut butter spread on a stalk of celery with raisins on it.
The morning of her speech, Diana took out everything she needed and put it on the kitchen counter, ready to take it to school. Unfortunately, when the girl and her mother left for school, they forgot to take the items. Diana's mother dropped her off and went home to get the stuff. The celery was gone. The raisins were gone. The peanut butter had been put away. "Oh," said Diana's father. "I had that stuff for breakfast." Diana's faithful mother rushed to gather up more ingredients and rush them to school with an apology to the teacher and an explanation of what happened. "Gee," said Diana's teacher, "that's a first -- 'My dad ate my homework.'" |
Why not combine the designated driver ...
Here's an idea.
Why not combine the designated driver and the designated hitter, so that after the 7th inning the DH drives all the drunk fans home. |
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