Ανέκδοτα, 3/3/2012

Cat Lovers You Know You're A Cat Person When... ...you refer to going to the bathroom as "using the litterbox." ...you do not consider an outfit complete without some cat hair. ...you consider cat hair in your food as extra fiber. ...you apologize when you step on a fuzzy cat toy in the dark. ...you snap your fingers and pat the sofa beside you to invite your guests to sit down. ...you sleep on one edge of the bed because the cat is sleeping in the middle looking soooo cute! ...you accidentally put your child's dinner plate on the floor. ...you spend more money on toys for your cats than on the kids or grandkids. ...you decorate your Christmas tree with dangling cat toys. ...your neighbors refer to you as "the crazy one with all the cats." ...you have more pictures of your cats than your kids in your wallet. ...you refer to your cat as your furry child. ...your parents wind up with a four-footed, furry "grandchild." ...you plan your vacation around the cat show schedule. ...you accidentally call your spouse by your cat's name! Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

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Mistakes from the Press Rev. Hammond was congratulated on being able to get his parish plastered. His left thumb, which was shot away, is doing nicely. We've got fifty yankettes married into English nobility right now. Some of them are duchesses. Some are countesses. Eleven are baronesses. Only one is a lady. The font so generously presented by Mrs. Smith will be set in position at the east end of the Church. Babies may now be baptized at both ends. The church is now forming a Little Mothers Club. All women desiring to become Little Mothers are asked to meet with the pastor in his study after services. Dr. Gilbert Murray, O.M., will celebrate his ninetieth birthday quietly at his home at Boars Hill, near Oxford, tomorrow, with his wife, Lady Mary Murray. They have been married 66 years. This evening he is to broadcast in the BBC Home Service a talk called "Unfinished Battle." A loudspeaker system has been installed in the church. It was given by one of the members in memory of his wife. Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

More Oneliners When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, "What do you need?" NASA reports that galaxies are speeding away from earth at 90,000 miles a second. What do you suppose they know that we don't? I asked my mailman why my letters were all wet... he said "postage dew". Don't ever take a fence down until you know why it was put up. The only thing that wakes you up faster than coffee is spilled coffee. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water. Odd that when a house burns down, the only things left standing are the chimney and the fireplace. Only in America do we shop at places with limited parking, overpriced items, and long lines and insultingly, call them convenience stores. We're going to have a terrorist attack, but we don't know where or when. I think you could say the same thing about tornadoes. I went to see Pavarotti once and I'll tell you this much, he doesn't like it when you join in. How dangerous could a fax be, if the pen is mightier than the sword and a picture is worth a thousand words. My husband has suggested a candlelight dinner at home for our anniversary. Is he being romantic or just cheap? A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing and the lawn mower is broken. There are two types of roads in our country. One is under construction and the other is under repair. The president has said that inflation has been arrested. He should check . . . I think it's out on bail. The next time you pay your property taxes, remember every local politician who went to Hawaii on your dime. You know times are tough when the school system is recruiting school bus drivers in the lobby of traffic court. Yesterday is experience, tomorrow is hope, today is getting from one to the other. When life seems like an uphill climb, take comfort in the fact that you're mooning everyone behind you. Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

Funny People Saying Funny Stuff "We have Weezer on the show tonight. Don't confuse that with the Rolling Stones - that would be geezer." --Jay Leno --- "Tom Cruise is reportedly looking for a home in Toledo, Ohio. The reason for this is so that he can have a short commute to Crazy Town!" --Conan O'Brien --- "Regis Philbin and Donald Trump have a holiday CD coming out. Here's how that odd idea came together. They both go together and realized there was money in New York that they yet did not have their hands on and said, "Let's do this!" That holiday CD will make a great dumpster stuffer." --Dave Letterman