Ανέκδοτα, 4/3/2012

Inner Wisdom Revealed 1. As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I am in touch with my inner sociopath. 2. I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia. 3. I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else's fault. 4. I no longer need to punish, deceive, or compromise myself, unless I want to stay employed. 5. In some cultures, what I do would be considered normal. 6. Having control over myself is almost as good as having control over others. 7. My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of self-judgment. 8. I honor my personality flaws for without them I would have no personality at all. 9. Joan of Arc heard voices too. 10. I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious, self-righteous people around me. 11. I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper, and complain. 12. As I learn the innermost secrets of people around me, they reward me in many ways to keep me quiet. 13. When someone hurts me, I know that forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit, but not nearly as gratifying. 14. The first step is to say nice things about myself. The second, to do nice things for myself. The third, to find someone to buy me nice things. Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

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Dog Lovers You Know You Love Dogs When... You have a kiddie wading pool in the yard, but no small children. You have baby gates permanently installed at strategic places around the house, but no babies. The trash basket is more or less permanently installed in the kitchen sink, to keep the dog out of it while you're at work. You can't see out the passenger side of the windshield because there are nose-prints all over the inside. Poop has become a source of conversation for you and your significant other. You refer to yourselves as Mommy and Daddy. Your dog sleeps with you. You have 32 different names for your dog. Most make no sense, but she understands. Your dog eats cat poop, but you still let her kiss you (but not immediately afterward, of course). You like people who like your dog. You despise people who don't. You carry dog biscuits in your purse or pocket at all times. You talk about your dog the way other people talk about their kid. You sign and send birthday/anniversary/Christmas cards from your dog. You put an extra blanket on the bed so your dog can be comfortable. You'd rather stay home on Saturday night and cuddle your dog than go to the movies with your sweetie. You go to the pet supply store every Saturday because it's one of the very few places that lets you bring your dog inside, and your dog loves to go with you. You open your purse, and that big bunch of baggies you use for pick-ups pops out. You get an extra-long hose on your shower-massage just so you can use it to wash your dog in the tub, without making the dog sit hip-deep in water. You don't think it's the least bit strange to stand in the back yard yelling, "Emily, pee!" over and over again, while Emily tends to play and forget what she's out there for (but what your neighbors think of your behavior is yet another story). You and the dog come down with something like flu on the same day. Your dog sees the vet while you settle for an over-the-counter remedy from the drugstore. Your dog is getting old and arthritic, so you go buy lumber and build her a small staircase so she can climb onto the bed by herself. Your license plate or license plate frame mentions your dog. Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

1957...Remember? The following were some comments made in the year 1957: (1) "I'll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, its going to be impossible to buy a weeks groceries for $20.00." (2) "Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won't be long when $5,000 will only buy a used one." (3) "If cigarettes keep going up in price, I'm going to quit. A quarter a pack is ridiculous." (4) "Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging a dime just to mail a letter?" (5) "If they raise the minimum wage to $1, nobody will be able to hire outside help at the store." (6) "When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would someday cost 29 cents a gallon. Guess we'd be better off leaving the car in the garage." (7) "Kids today are impossible. Those ducktail hair cuts make it impossible to stay groomed. Next thing you know, boys will be wearing their hair as long as the girls." (8) "I'm afraid to send my kids to the movies any more. Ever since they let Clark Gable get by with saying 'damn' in 'Gone With The Wind,' it seems every new movie has either 'hell' or 'damn' in it." (9) "I read the other day where some scientist thinks it's possible to put a man on the moon by the end of the century. They even have some fellows they call astronauts preparing for it down in Texas." (10) "Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for $75,000 a year just to play ball? It wouldn't surprise me if someday that they will be making more than the President." (11) "I never thought I'd see the day all our kitchen appliances would be electric. They are even making electric typewriters now." (12) "It's too bad things are so tough nowadays. I see where a few married women are having to work to make ends meet." (13) "It won't be long before young couples are going to have to hire someone to watch their kids so they can both work." (14) "No one can afford to be sick any more, $35.00 a day in the hospital is too rich for my blood." (15) "I'm just afraid the Volkswagen car is going to open the door to a whole lot of foreign business." (16) "Thank goodness I won't live to see the day when the Government takes half our income in taxes. I sometimes wonder if we are electing the best people to Congress." (17) "The drive-in restaurant is convenient in nice weather, but I seriously doubt they will ever catch on." (18) "I guess taking a vacation is out of the question now days. It costs nearly $15.00 a night to stay in a hotel." Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

College Student A college student at a recent college football game challenged a senior citizen sitting next to him, saying it was impossible for their generation to understand this: "You grew up in a different world," the student said, loud enough for the whole crowd to hear. "Today we have television, jet planes, space travel, man has walked on the Moon, our spaceships have visited Mars, we even have nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers with light-speed processing ... and uh ....." Taking advantage of a pause in the student's litany, the senior citizen said, "You're right. We didn't have those things when we were young; so we invented them, you little twit! What are *you* doing for the next generation???"