ΑΝΕΚΔΟΤΑ 11/11/2012

Jokes by ArcaMax, sponsored today by:

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End of the World Headlines When the end of the world arrives how will the media report it? USA Today: WE'RE DEAD The Wall Street Journal: DOW JONES PLUMMETS AS WORLD ENDS National Enquirer: JON AND KATE, TOGETHER AGAIN Microsoft Systems Journal: APPLE LOSES MARKET SHARE Victoria's Secret Catalog: OUR FINAL SALE Sports Illustrated: GAME OVER Wired: THE LAST NEW THING Rolling Stone: THE GRATEFUL DEAD REUNION TOUR Readers Digest: 'BYE Discover Magazine: HOW WILL THE EXTINCTION OF ALL LIFE AS WE KNOW IT AFFECT THE WAY WE VIEW THE COSMOS? Lady's Home Journal: LOSE 10 LBS BY JUDGMENT DAY WITH OUR NEW "ARMAGEDDON" DIET! America Online: SYSTEM TEMPORARILY DOWN. TRY CALLING BACK IN 15 MINUTES. Inc. magazine: TEN WAYS YOU CAN PROFIT FROM THE APOCALYPSE TIME magazine: RENEW YOUR SUBSCRIPTION FOR ETERNITY Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

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10 Features of The Company Car -- Accelerates at a phenomenal rate. -- Has a much shorter braking distance than the private car. -- Can take speed humps at twice the speed of private cars. -- The battery, radiator water, oil and tires never have to be checked. -- It can be driven up to 60 miles with the oil warning light flashing. -- It needs cleaning less often than private cars. -- The suspension is reinforced to allow for the weekend loads of bricks, concrete slabs and other building material. -- Unusual and alarming engine noises are easily eliminated by turning up the radio. -- It needs no security system and may be left anywhere, unlocked and with the keys in the ignition. -- It is especially sand and waterproof for barbeques and fishing expeditions on remote beaches. Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

Silent Treatment Mike and Joan were having some problems at home and were giving each other the "silent treatment." But then Mike realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 am for an early morning drive with some pals to go golfing. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and so lose the 'war'), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00am." The next morning, Mike woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 am and that his friends had left for the golf course without him. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't awakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It's 5:00 am. Wake up." Men simply are not equipped for these kinds of contests Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

Cute Dog Quotes The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue. - Anonymous Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. - Ann Landers If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went. - Will Rogers A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself. - Josh Billings The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. - Andy Rooney I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. - Rita Rudner A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. - Robert Benchley Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog. - Franklin P. Jones If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise. - Unknown My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That's almost $21.00 in dog money. - Joe Weinstein Ever consider what our dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul -- chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth! - Anne Tyler Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert A. Heinlein You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look hat says, 'Wow, you're right! I never would've thought of that!' - Dave Barry If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then give him only two of them. - Phil Pastoret Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

Free Daily Recipes from ArcaMax The holidays are just a few weeks away, so now is a great time to start looking for new recipes to share with your family! Check out recipes for roast turkey, or try making some candy coated pretzels to share with friends, with the free ArcaMax Recipes ezine. Sign up for the Recipes ezine for instructional videos, recipes from Wolfgang Puck and our ownArcaMax Chef, and more. Subscribe to ArcaMax Recipes instantly. Find out more before subscribing. -- From the ArcaMax editors