ΑΝΕΚΔΟΤΑ 15/11/2012

Jokes by ArcaMax, sponsored today by:

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Cynical Meanings Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool on the other. Divorce: Future tense of marriage. Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either." Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present. Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece. Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power... Dictionary: A place where success comes before work. Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on. Classic: A book which people praise, but do not read. Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight. Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life. Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth. Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

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Mutual Attraction In the middle of an argument a man said to his wife, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time!" The wife responded calmly, "Allow me to explain...the good Lord made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; and he made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!" Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

Cat Quotes "Managing senior programmers is like herding cats." - Dave Platt "Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow." - Jeff Valdez "There is no snooze button for a cat that wants breakfast." -Anonymous "Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this." - Anonymous "In a cat's eye, all things belong to cats." - English proverb "As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat." - Ellen Perry Berkeley "One cat just leads to another." - Ernest Hemingway "Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later." - Mary Bly "Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia." - Joseph Wood Krutch "People that hate cats, will come back as mice in their next life." - Faith Resnick "I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior." - Hippolyte Taine "There are many intelligent species in the universe. They are all owned by cats." - Anonymous "There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats." - Albert Schweitzer The cat has too much spirit to have no heart." - Ernest Menaul "No heaven will not ever Heaven be; Unless my cats are there to welcome me." - Anonymous "Time spent with cats is never wasted." - Colette "Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel. True, and they have many other fine qualities as well." - Missy Dizick "You will always be lucky if you know how to make friends with strange cats." - Colonial American proverb "Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want." - Joseph Wood Krutch "Cats aren't clean, they're just covered with cat spit." - John S. Nichols "The smallest feline is a masterpiece." -- Leonardo Da Vinci "Cat's motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it." -- Anonymous "Women and cats will do as they please and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea." -- Robert A. Heinlein Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

New Game Back in the days of the Roman Empire, the famous Emperor Nero instituted a new game. The players would take those little disks you set your glass on in order to protect the furniture, and see who could get the most distance rolling them across the floor. They were the first roller coasters. Back in those days, the disks were made of iron, and they would bet on whose disk would roll the farthest. They called them ferrous wheels.