Jokes by ArcaMax, sponsored today by: |
(January 2, 2013) - Do not pay your car insurance bill... until you read this.Out of all 246 auto insurers, we found these important "hidden" discounts. * After reporting on the hidden discounts, 789,000 drivers used this one tip to get extreme insurance discounts. * Recently reported: if you're just with "any" auto insurer, you may be overpaying by $793 a year. Click here -- to see the insurance discounts you'll get.
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1. Use as a doorstop
2. Use as a paperweight
3. Use to clean your pots and pans
4. Use as boat anchor
5. Use as bricks in fireplace
6. Build a house with them
7. Use it to hold up your Christmas tree
8. Use as a pencil holder
9. Give it to the cat for a scratching post
10. Put it in the back yard to feed the birds and squirrels
11. Hold up your car when changing tires
12. Slice and use for poker chips
13. Use it to carve your turkey on
14. Use as replacement for Duraflame log
15. Take it camping with you...use it to weigh down the tent
16. Use it as a seat at a stadium event
17. Stand on it when you change a lightbulb
18. Put it in the back of your car/truck for snow/ice driving
19. Replaces free weights when you work out
20. Use as book ends at the school library
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Sponsor
If you want your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend to come crawling back to you on their knees (no matter why you broke up and even if they're dating somebody else now) you need to watch this video right away... This video teaches you the REAL reason you've failed to get your ex back. And how to use tiny little text messages to erase all the "bad times" and "mistakes" and create a whole new relationship with your ex. If you want your ex back, you've got to watch this!
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One morning in a posh hotel breakfast room, a guest called over the head waiter. "Good morning, sir! I'd like to order two boiled eggs, one of them so undercooked that it's runny, and the other so overcooked that it's tough.
"I also want some rubbery bacon, burnt toast, and butter that's so cold it's impossible to spread.
"Finally, I'll have a pot of extra-weak coffee, served at room temperature."
The bewildered waiter almost stuttered. "Sir! We cannot serve such an awful breakfast to you here!"
"Why not?" the guest replied. "That's what I got here yesterday!"
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The basketball coach stormed into the university president's office and demanded a raise right then and there.
"Please," protested the college President, "you already make more than the entire History department."
"Yeah, maybe so, but you don't know what I have to put up with," the coach blustered. "Look."
He went out into the hall and grabbed a jock who was jogging down the hallway. "Run over to my office and see if I'm there," he ordered.
Twenty minutes later the jock returned, sweaty and out of breath.
"You're not there, sir," he reported.
"Oh, I see what you mean," conceded the President, scratching his head. "I would have phoned."
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Deciding to take up jogging, the middle-aged man was astounded by the wide selection of jogging shoes available at the local sports shoe store.
While trying on a basic pair of jogging shoe, he noticed a minor feature and asked the clerk about it.
"What's this little pocket thing here on the side for?"
"Oh, that's to carry spare change so you can call your wife to come pick you up when you've jogged too far."
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