ΑΝΕΚΔΟΤΑ 14/2/2013

Jokes by ArcaMax, sponsored today by: (February 14, 2013) - Do not pay your car insurance bill... until you read this. Out of all 246 auto insurers, we found these important "hidden" discounts. * After reporting on the hidden discounts, 789,000 drivers   used this one tip to get extreme insurance discounts. * Recently reported: if you're just with "any" auto insurer,   you may be overpaying by $793 a year. Click here -- to see the insurance discounts you'll get. Regular Consumption of Guinness Well now, you see it's like this.... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the rear that are killed. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole because only the fittest survive thus improving the general health and speed of the entire herd. In much the same way the human brain only operates as quickly as the slowest of it's brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells, as we all know, and naturally the alcohol attacks the slowest/weakest cells first.... So it is as plain as the nose on your face that regular consumption of Guinness will eliminate the weaker, slower brain cells thus leaving the remaining cells the best in the brain. The end result, of course, is a faster more efficient brain. If you doubt this at all, tell me, isn't it true that we always feel a bit smarter after a few pints? Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It Sponsor Stop letting bad hearing get in the way of your life - MSA 30X Sound Amplifier Don't be embarrassed by large, unsightly amplifiers. MSA 30X is a discrete sound amplifier that is lightweight and comfortable. The clear tubing of MSA 30X fits the contour of the ear making it almost invisible. Turn ordinary hearing into extraordinary hearing. Order yours today! The Bathroom While carpenters were working outside the old house I had just bought, I busied myself with indoor cleaning. I had just finished washing the floor when one of the workmen asked to use the bathroom. With dismay I looked from his muddy boots to my newly scrubbed floors. "Just a minute," I said, thinking of a quick solution. "I'll put down newspapers." "That's all right, lady," he responded. "I'm already trained." Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It Military Housecat My housecat went down to the local military recruiting depot to sign up for the service. He came back about two hours later and sadly explained that he couldn't enlist because he would have to be "de-furred." Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It Your Time is Not Yet Up A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked "Is my time up?" God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months, and 8 days to live." Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a facelift, liposuction, and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair color. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it. After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?" God replied, "I didn't recognize you!" Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It Happy Valentine's Day from ArcaMax! Whether you're celebrating with a loved one or treating yourself to a quiet evening, we at ArcaMax wish you a happy Valentine's Day! Try a recipe for Chambord black raspberry brownies, or perhaps take this fun romance-themed interactive quiz. Here's more Valentine's Day content Cupid wants to make sure you read: Wine Pairings | Valentine Videogram App | Gifts for your boyfriend -- From the ArcaMax editors