| Jokes by ArcaMax, sponsored today by: |
(January 30, 2013) - Do not pay your car insurance bill... until you read this.
Out of all 246 auto insurers, we found these important "hidden" discounts. * After reporting on the hidden discounts, 789,000 drivers used this one tip to get extreme insurance discounts. * Recently reported: if you're just with "any" auto insurer, you may be overpaying by $793 a year. Click here -- to see the insurance discounts you'll get. |
Dusty Housekeeping
My mom is a less than fastidious housekeeper.
One evening my dad returned home from work, walked into the kitchen and teased her, "You know, dear, I can write my name in the dust on the mantel." Mom turned to him and sweetly replied, "Yes, darling, I know. That's why I married a college graduate." |
Sponsor
christos - Yours Absolutely Free: North American Hunter Magazine Subscription
The official publication of the North American Hunting Club brings you hunting tips & techniques from our team of experts to help take your skills to the next level! Each issue is packed full of the best hunting articles, tips, videos & more. GO: Get your digital subscription now - It's FREE! |
Spelling Information
"Hello, Information? I need the number of the Caseway Insurance Company."
"Would you spell that, please?" "Certainly. C as in sea. A as in aye. S as in sea. E as in eye. W as in why. A as in are. Y as in you." "Just a minute, sir. I'll connect you with my supervisor." |
Stupid Things Actually Said By Soccer Commentators
1. Well, it's Liverpool two, Ipswich nil, and if the score stays this way, I've got to fancy Liverpool for the win.
2. He had an eternity to play that ball, but took too long. 3. And so they have not been able to improve on their 100% record. 4. With the last kick of the game, he scored with a header. 5. Well, it's a fabulous kaleidoscope of colour: almost all the Brazilians are wearing yellow shirts. 6. If that had gone on, it would definitely have been a goal. 7. Their manager, Howard Wilkinson, isn't here today, which strongly suggests that he may be elsewhere. 8. I am a firm believer that if one team scores a goal, the other need to score two to win. 9. If a team scores early on, it often takes an early lead. 10. You cannot possibly have counted the number of passes made, but there were eight. |
Feline Physics
Law of Cat Inertia - A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.
Law of Cat Motion - A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction. Law of Cat Magnetism - All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric. Law of Cat Thermodynamics - Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat. Law of Cat Stretching - A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken. Law of Cat Sleeping - All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved, and as comfortable as possible for the cat. Law of Refrigerator Observation - If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat. Law of Electric Blanket Attraction - Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light. Law of Random Comfort Seeking - A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room. Law of Bag/Box Occupancy - All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond. Law of Cat Embarrassment - A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter. Law of Cat Disinterest - A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him. Law of Pill Rejection - Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity. Law of Cat Composition - A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter. |
Weekday News and Features Digest
Get the most popular news of the day, comic strips, and more every weekday in the News and Features Digest.
Subscribers can look forward to the best of the ArcaMax line-up -- featured movie reviews, breaking news, recipes, featured interactive games, and more. Subscribe to the News and Features Digest instantly. Sincerely, ArcaMax Editors ================================================================================== |
| Jokes by ArcaMax, sponsored today by: |
(January 30, 2013) - Do not pay your car insurance bill... until you read this.
Out of all 246 auto insurers, we found these important "hidden" discounts. * After reporting on the hidden discounts, 789,000 drivers used this one tip to get extreme insurance discounts. * Recently reported: if you're just with "any" auto insurer, you may be overpaying by $793 a year. Click here -- to see the insurance discounts you'll get. |
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Late Night Funny #1
New Rule: The media must give President Obama a few more days before they start covering the 2016 presidential race. They’re already speculating about Biden and Hillary. Come on, even Taylor Swift gives a guy a little more time than that. And why is she America's sweetheart? She's 17 and she's gone out with more men than Joan Crawford.
Bill Maher |
Sponsor
christos - Yours Absolutely Free: North American Hunter Magazine Subscription
The official publication of the North American Hunting Club brings you hunting tips & techniques from our team of experts to help take your skills to the next level! Each issue is packed full of the best hunting articles, tips, videos & more. GO: Get your digital subscription now - It's FREE! |
Late Night Funny #2
New Jersey Governor Chris Christie is getting big-time financial support for his re-election campaign, a fundraiser hosted by Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg. That means the creator of the world's largest social network is raising money for the world's largest governor.
Jimmy Kimmel |
Late Night Funny #3
Did you know when you poke Chris Christie on Facebook, your computer giggles like the Pillsbury Doughboy?
Jimmy Kimmel |
Late Night Funny #4
President Obama delivered his inaugural address, which set a more liberal tone for his second term, especially the part where he showered the crowd with birth control pills.
Seth Meyers |
Weekday News and Features Digest
Get the most popular news of the day, comic strips, and more every weekday in the News and Features Digest.
Subscribers can look forward to the best of the ArcaMax line-up -- featured movie reviews, breaking news, recipes, featured interactive games, and more. Subscribe to the News and Features Digest instantly. Sincerely, ArcaMax Editors |
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