| Jokes by ArcaMax, sponsored today by: |
Amazing non-toxic liquid kills cancer cells
It's one of the world's most powerful cancer cures, according to research conducted by a scientist at the Detroit Institute of Cancer Research.
Even the mainstream National Cancer Institute has confirmed that this do-it-yourself treatment kills cancer cells.
This FREE REPORT could save your life!
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FEEDBACK: The inevitable result when a baby doesn't appreciate the mashed carrots.
HEARSAY: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.
PRENATAL: When your life was still somewhat your own.
PUDDLE: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes.
STERILIZE: What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.
TOP BUNK: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman pajamas.
WHOOPS: An exclamation that translates roughly into "get a washrag."
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A law firm receptionist answered the phone the morning after the firm's senior partner had passed away unexpectedly.
"Is Mr. Smith there?", asked the client on the phone.
"I'm very sorry, but Mr. Smith passed away last night," the receptionist answered.
"Is Mr. Smith there?", repeated the client.
The receptionist was perplexed. "Perhaps you didn't understand me I'm afraid Mr. Smith passed away last night."
"Is Mr. Smith there?", asked the client again.
"Ma'am, do you understand what I'm saying?", said the exasperated receptionist. "Mr. Smith is DEAD!"
"I understand you perfectly," the client sighed. "I just can't hear it often enough."
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When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it. The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave.
Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.
When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."
He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling." So the magistrate kept listening, "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."
Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate. He stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."
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An English professor wrote the words, "A woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and directed the students to punctuate it correctly.
The men wrote: "A woman, without her man, is nothing."
The women wrote: "A woman: without her, man is nothing."
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-- From the ArcaMax editors
| Jokes by ArcaMax, sponsored today by: |
Amazing non-toxic liquid kills cancer cells
It's one of the world's most powerful cancer cures, according to research conducted by a scientist at the Detroit Institute of Cancer Research.
Even the mainstream National Cancer Institute has confirmed that this do-it-yourself treatment kills cancer cells.
This FREE REPORT could save your life!
|
|
|
The NRA made an ad saying that Obama is elitist because his kids have armed guards. Yeah, that crazy Obama thinking his kids need special protection. I love the NRA accusing anyone of being paranoid. It’s like a septic tank saying ‘You need a mint’
Bill Maher |
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Find a Workers Comp Lawyer and Get Help with Your Case!
Complete the short form below and get help NOW! If you were hurt at work, you may be eligible for protection under Workers Comp Law. Complete the FREE Workers Comp Case Review form and a Workers Comp Laywer will contact you to discuss your case. Don't delay!
Get help with your workers comp case today!
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In a recent attack ad, the NRA claims that President Obama cares about his own children more than he cares about other children. In response, President Obama was like, ‘Yeah, that’s how families work’
Jimmy Fallon |
Russia announced plans to send a probe to the moon by the year 2015. Russian scientists say they’re excited to see what they could discover on the moon’s surface. I’ll tell you what they’re going to discover – an American flag!
Craig Ferguson |
Mississippi Governor Phil Bryant on Wednesday asked state legislatures to declare President Obama’s new gun control proposals ‘illegal’, though I’m not sure if the Mississippi state legislature has that kind of power since it’s just thirty hissing possums in a barn.
Seth Meyers |
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