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Weird Food KILLS Blood Pressure...
Thousands of citizens concerned with high blood pressure and heart disease have already discovered this strange food that is being touted as a "Marine Miracle" by America's top doctors. Help your body cure itself from the "silent killer" known as hypertension and heart disease. Click Here Now to watch this free video that could save your life! [video] |
The Hokey Pokey - Shakespearean Style
Original Lyrics
Put your left foot in, Your left foot out, Your left foot in, And shake it all about. You do the hokey pokey And turn yourself around That's what it's all about. Shakespearean Style O proud left foot, that ventures quick within Then soon upon a backward journey lithe. Anon, once more the gesture, then begin: Command sinistral pedestal to writhe. Commence thou then the fervid Hokey-Poke. A mad gyration, hips in wanton swirl. To spin! A wilde release from heaven's yoke. Blessed dervish! Surely canst go, girl. The Hoke, the poke -- banish now thy doubt. Verily, I say, 'tis what it's all about. |
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Actual Answers From Students On Music Exams
- The principal singer of nineteenth century opera was called pre-Madonna.
- Gregorian chant has no music, just singers singing the same lines. - Sherbet composed the Unfinished Symphony. - All female parts were sung by castrati. We don't know exactly what they sounded like because there are no known descendants. - Young scholars have expressed their rapture for the Bronze Lullaby, the Taco Bell Cannon, Beethoven's Erotica, Tchaikovsky Cracknutter Suite, and Gershwin's Rap City in Blue. - Music sung by two people at the same time is called a duel; if they sing without music it is called Acapulco. - A virtuoso is a musician with real high morals. - Contralto is a low sort of music that only ladies sing. - Probably the most marvelous fugue was the one between the Hatfields and the McCoys. - A harp is a nude piano. - Refrain means don't do it. A refrain in music is the part you'd better not try to sing. - I know what a sextet is but I'd rather not say. - My favorite composer was Opus. Agnus Dei was a woman composer famous for her church music. - Johann Sebastian Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. - Rock Monanoff was a famous post-romantic composer of piano concerti. |
Dinosaur Bones
Some tourists in the Chicago Museum of Natural History are marveling at the dinosaur bones. One of them asks the blonde guard, 'Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?'
The guard replies, 'They are 3 million, four years, and six months old.' 'That's an awfully exact number,' says the tourist. 'How do you know their age so precisely?' The guard answers, 'Well, the dinosaur bones were three million years old when I started working here, and that was four and a half years ago!' |
Chow Time
One of my husband's duties as a novice drill instructor at Fort Jackson, S.C., was to escort new recruits to the mess hall. After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them, "There are three rules in this mess hall: Shut up! Eat up! Get up!"
Checking to see that he had everyone's attention, he asked, "What is the first rule?" Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, "Shut up, Drill Sergeant!" |
Comics for Pet Lovers
Pete Tamburro
Dog and cat owners will get a giggle out of Dog Eat Doug, Red and Rover, and more from ArcaMax Comics.
ArcaMax has more than 70 comics to read free by e-mail every morning. Subscribe to one or more of your favorites and start reading! Subscribe to Dog Eat Doug instantly. Subscribe to Red and Rover instantly. -- From the ArcaMax editors |
| Jokes by ArcaMax, sponsored today by: |
Weird Food KILLS Blood Pressure...
Thousands of citizens concerned with high blood pressure and heart disease have already discovered this strange food that is being touted as a "Marine Miracle" by America's top doctors. Help your body cure itself from the "silent killer" known as hypertension and heart disease. Click Here Now to watch this free video that could save your life! [video] |
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Late Night Funny #1
There's a photo from the Inauguration in which Former President Bill Clinton appears to be checking out Kelly Clarkson. Clinton said, 'That's not true, I was checking out Beyonce and Kelly Clarkson got in the way.'
Conan O'Brien |
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Late Night Funny #2
Beyonce is remaining silent about charges that she lip-synched the national anthem. However, the charges are being strongly denied by a recording of Beyonce.
Conan O'Brien |
Late Night Funny #3
Yes, lip-gate. Beyonce-gate. The crisis in Lip-ya. Beyonc-gazi ... If Beyonce lip-synced at Obama's inaugural, do you know what that means? If so, please write in because I'd love to know why I'm so angry!
Stephen Colbert |
Late Night Funny #4
Joe Biden made another one of his famous gaffes on camera Monday, saying he was proud to be president of the United States. I guess he forgot he wasn't at home standing in front of the bathroom mirror.
Jay Leno |
Comics for Pet Lovers
Dog and cat owners will get a giggle out of Dog Eat Doug, Red and Rover, and more from ArcaMax Comics.
ArcaMax has more than 70 comics to read free by e-mail every morning. Subscribe to one or more of your favorites and start reading! Subscribe to Dog Eat Doug instantly. Subscribe to Red and Rover instantly. -- From the ArcaMax editors |
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