Ανέκδοτα, 8/2/2012

Elephant Robbery A jeweller called the police station to report a robbery. "You'll never believe what happened, Sergeant. A truck backed up to my store, the doors opened and an elephant came out. He broke my plate glass window, stuck his trunk in, sucked up all the jewelry and climbed back into the truck. The doors closed and the truck pulled away." The desk sergeant said, "Could you tell me, for identification purposes, whether it was an Indian elephant or an African elephant?" "What's the difference?" asked the jeweller. "Well," said the sergeant, an African elephant has great big ears and an Indian elephant has little ears." "Come to think of it, I couldn't see his ears," said the jeweller. "He had a stocking over his head." Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

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High School Reunion My wife and I were at my high school reunion. As I looked around, I noticed the other men in their expensive suits...and their bulging stomachs. Proud of the fact that I weighed just five pounds more than I did when I was in high school, the result of trying to beat a living out of a rocky hillside farm, I said to my wife, "I'm the only guy here who can still wear the suit he wore when he graduated." She glanced at the well-dressed crowd, then back at me, and said, "You're the only one who has to." Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

How To Please Your I.T. Department (A quick check list for those who need to make contact.] 1. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and children's art. We don't have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours. 2. Don't write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error messages from here. 3. When an I.T. person says he's coming right over, go for coffee. That way you won't be there when we need your password. It's nothing for us to remember 700 screen saver passwords. 4. When you call the help desk, state what you want, not what's keeping you from getting it. We don't need to know that you can't get into your mail because your computer won't power on at all. 5. When I.T. support sends you an E-Mail with high importance, delete it at once. We're just testing. 6. When an I.T. person is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and spill your guts right out. We exist only to serve. 7. Send urgent email all in uppercase. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery. 8. When the photocopier doesn't work, call computer support. There's electronics in it. 9. When you're getting a NO DIAL TONE message at home, call computer support. We can fix your telephone line from here. 10. When you have a dozen old computer screens to get rid of, call computer support. We're collectors. 11. When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on an I.T. person's chair with no name, no phone number and no description of the problem. We love a puzzle. 12. When an I.T. person tells you that computer screens don't have cartridges in them, argue. We love a good argument. 13. When an I.T. person tells you that he'll be there shortly, reply in a scathing tone of voice: "And just how many weeks do you mean by shortly?" That motivates us. 14. When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes. 15. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the company. One of them is bound to work. Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

A guy walks into a post office ... A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, “I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, ‘Guess who?’” “But why?” asks the man. “I'm a divorce lawyer,” the man replies.