ΑΝΕΚΔΟΤΑ 17/12/2012

Jokes by ArcaMax, sponsored today by:

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Always Wear Your Seat Belt This old rancher in Montana hates wearing a seat belt, but one day he's driving on the highway with his wife and sees a state patrol car behind him. He says to his wife, "Quick, take the wheel! I gotta put my seat belt on!" So she does, and right then the patrolman pulls them over. He walks up to the car and says, "Say, I noticed you weren't wearing your seat belt." The rancher says, "I was too, but you don't have to take my word for it-- my wife here is a good Christian woman, ask her; she'll tell you the truth. She doesn't lie about anything." The cop says to the wife, "So? How about it, ma'am?" And the wife says: "I've been married to Buck for twenty years, officer, and one thing I've learned in all that time is this - you never argue with him when he's drunk." Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

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Not Much of A Man A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when three members of a motorcycle gang walked in. The first walked up to the old man and pushed his cigarette into the old man's pie, and then took a seat at the counter. The second walked up to the old man and spit into the old man's milk, and then he took a seat at the counter. The third walked up to the old man and turned over the old man's plate, and then he took a seat at the counter. Without a word of protest, the old man quietly left the diner. Shortly thereafter, one of the bikers said to the waitress, "Humph, not much of a man, was he?" The waitress replied, "Not much of a truck driver either. He just backed his truck over three motorcycles." Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

Great Truths About Life that Adults Have Learned - Raising teenagers is like trying to nail Jell-O to a tree. - There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt. - Reason to smile: Every seven minutes of every day someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring. - The best way to keep kids at home is to make the home a pleasant atmosphere...and let the air out of their tires. - Families are like fudge...mostly sweet with a few nuts. - Middle age is when you choose cereal for the fiber, not the toy. - The more you complain, the longer God lets you live. - If you can remain calm, you don't have all the facts. - Eat a live toad first thing in the morning, and nothing worse can happen to you the rest of the day. - You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you're down there. Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

The Critical Barber So the guy goes in to his barber. He's all excited, and says, "I'm going to go to Rome. I'm flying on Alitalia and staying at the Rome Hilton, and I'm going to see the Pope!" The barber says, "Ha! Alitalia is a terrible airline, the Rome Hilton is a dump, and when you see the Pope, you'll probably be standing in back of about ten thousand people." So the guy goes to Rome. When he comes back and the barber says, "How was it?" "Great," he says. "Alitalia was wonderful airline. The hotel was great. And I got to meet the Pope!" "You met the Pope?" asked the barber. "I bent down to kiss the Pope's ring." "And what did he say?" "He said, 'Where did you get that crummy haircut?'"