ΑΝΕΚΔΟΤΑ 7/12/2012

Live in NY? You Know You're From New York When... You're 35 years old and don't have a driver's license. You ride in a subway car with no air conditioning just because there are seats available. You take the train home and you know exactly where on the platform the doors will open that will leave you right in front of the exit stairway. You know what a "regular" coffee is. It's not Manhattan...... It's the "city". There is no north and south. It's "uptown" or "downtown." If you're really from New York you have absolutely no concept of where north and south are.... And east or west is "crosstown." You cross the street anywhere but on the corners and you yell at cars for not respecting your right to do it. You move 3,000 miles away, spend 10 years learning the local language and people still know you're from Brooklyn the minute you open your mouth. You return after 10 years and the first foods you want are a "real" pizza and a "real" bagel. A 500 square foot apartment is large. You know the differences between all the different Ray's pizzas. You are not under the mistaken impression that any human being would be able to actually understand a p.a. Announcement on the subway. You wouldn't bother ordering pizza in any other city. You get ready to order dinner every night and must choose from the major food groups which are: Chinese, Italian, Mexican or Indian. You're not the least bit interested in going to Times Square on New Year's eve. Your internal clock is permanently set to know when alternate side of the street parking regulations are in effect. Someone bumps into you, and you check for your wallet. You don't even notice the lady walking down the road having a perfectly normal conversation with herself. You pay "only" $230 a month to park your car. The presidential visit is a major traffic jam, not an honor. You can nap on the subway and never miss your stop. The deli guy gives you a straw with any beverage you buy, even if it's a beer. Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

Sponsor "My Feet Are Killing Me!" Improve Body Stability and Alignment with Walkfit Orthotics! Do you feel pain walking, running or just standing? NEW WalkFit Platinum orthotics are guaranteed to get you back on your feet - pain free! Over 5 million men and women use WalkFit orthotics to walk, play and work without pain. Now, we've taken good and made it better! See how the NEW WalkFit Platinum world's #1 custom-fitted orthotic can improve your life.

What if...? A husband asks his wife, "If I should die first would you marry again?" "I would be heart-broken, of course," was her reply, "but I think eventually I would remarry." "But you wouldn't bring him here to our house?" "Why not? I've worked and slaved to make this house a home. There is no reason to abandon it." "But you wouldn't sleep in our bed?" "Well, I wouldn't run out and buy a new bed right away." "Surely, you wouldn't let him use my golf clubs?" "Of course not! He's lefthanded!" Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

Humor Just for Women What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how to work it. What's the smartest thing a man can say? "My wife says..." What's the quickest way to a man's heart? Straight through the rib cage. Why can't men get mad cow disease? Because they're all pigs. How does a man show he's planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one. What makes a man think about a candlelight dinner? A power failure. Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

Water Beds Since I had been selling water beds for almost four years, I thought I had heard every question imaginable. But then a customer asked me, "Can you deliver it filled with water?" Stunned, I replied, "Are you kidding? It would weigh over twelve hundred pounds!" After a short pause, she said, "Could you do it if I helped you carry it in?"