ΑΝΕΚΔΟΤΑ; 28/12/2012

Local Psychic A woman goes to the local psychic in hopes of contacting her dearly departed grandmother. The psychic's eyelids begin fluttering, her hands float up above the table, and she begins moaning. Eventually, a coherent voice emanates saying, "Granddaughter? Are you there?" The woman, wide-eyed and on the edge of her seat, responds, "Grandmother? Is that you?" "Yes granddaughter, it's me." "It's really, really you, grandmother?", the woman repeats. "Yes, it's really me, granddaughter." The woman looks puzzled, "You're sure it's you, grandmother?" "Yes, granddaughter, I'm sure it's me." The woman pauses a moment, "Grandmother, I have just one question for you." "Anything, my child." "Grandmother, when did you learn to speak English?" Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

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Candy, and more Candy The day after Halloween, Little Johnny was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, make you fat." Little Johnny replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old." The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?" Little Johnny answered, "No, he but he knew how to mind his own business!" Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

Accountant Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. Now he was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself. "I need someone with an accounting degree," the man said. "But mainly, I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me." "Excuse me?" the accountant said. "I worry about a lot of things," the man said. "But I don't want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back." "I see," the accountant said. "And how much does the job pay?" "I'll start you at eighty thousand." "Eighty thousand dollars!" the accountant exclaimed. "How can such a small business afford a sum like that?" "That," the owner said, "is your first worry." Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

Political Quotes "I resent your insinuendoes." "If we don't make some changes, the status quo will remain the same." "We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world." "I support efforts to limit the terms of members of Congress, especially members of the House and members of the Senate." -- Dan Quayle "If Lincoln were alive today, he'd roll over in his grave." "We do not have censorship. What we have is a limitation on what newspapers can report." "Candidly, I cannot answer that. The question is too suppository." "Outside of the killings in Washington DC, we have one of the lowest crime rates in the nation." -- Marion Berry "Let's jump off that bridge when we come to it." "To be demeanered like that is an exercise in fertility." "I deny the allegations, and I defy the allegators." "If somebody's gonna stab me in the back, I want to be there." "When you're talking to me, keep your mouth shut." "Let's do this in one foul swoop." "I want to thank each and every one of you for having extinguished yourselves in this session." "We'll run it up the flagpole and see who salutes that booger." "I would like to take this time to reirritate my remarks." "The average age of a 7 year old in this state is 13." "I hate to confuse myself with the facts." "We have a permanent plan for the time being." "Family planning has many misconceptions." "The people in my district do not want this highway bypass, no matter if it goes through or around the city." "My knowledge is no match for his ignorance." "As long as I am in the Senate, there will not be a nuclear suppository in our state." "These numbers are not my own; they are from someone who knows what he's talking about." "People planning on getting into serious accidents should have their seat belts on." "In 1994, Americans stand on the horns of an enema."