ΑΝΕΚΔΟΤΑ 8/12/2012

Candy, and more Candy The day after Halloween, Little Johnny was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, make you fat." Little Johnny replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old." The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?" Little Johnny answered, "No, he but he knew how to mind his own business!" Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

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Accountant Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. Now he was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself. "I need someone with an accounting degree," the man said. "But mainly, I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me." "Excuse me?" the accountant said. "I worry about a lot of things," the man said. "But I don't want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back." "I see," the accountant said. "And how much does the job pay?" "I'll start you at eighty thousand." "Eighty thousand dollars!" the accountant exclaimed. "How can such a small business afford a sum like that?" "That," the owner said, "is your first worry." Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

Human Resources & The 7 Dwarfs In every Human Resources report, there is a reason for termination. There are so many possibilities, that we have narrowed the list down to the 7 dwarfs. Here they are: Happy: Had trouble putting nose to the grindstone. Too much time spent telling jokes at the water cooler. Doc: Left to pursue further schooling, in particular, Ph.D. work. Sleepy: Chronically late for work. Caused many project delays. Grumpy: Poor attitude toward work. Not a team player. Trouble with early mornings. Dopey: Made several critical errors at work costing the company money, e.g., misappropriated company funds. Sneezy: Recurrent, chronic illness has made it difficult for the employee to complete work in a timely fashion. Bashful: Lack of initiative. Not willing to make cold calls. Too often let workplace disagreements simmer. OTHERS Jealous Queen: Heavy involvement in the occult not congruent with organizational policies. Snow White: Misconduct, e.g., kissing strange men while under some kind of trance. Huntsman: Couldn't stand to be cooped up in the office all day. Pursuing work with the National Forest Service. Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

Ponder These 1. Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer in it? 2. Why is it that no matter what color of bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white? 3. Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale? 4. Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized? 5. On electric toasters, why do they engrave the message "oneslice"? How many pieces of bread do they think people are really gonna try to stuff in that slot? 6. Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance? 7. Why is it that no plastic garbage bag will open from the end you first try? 8. How do those dead bugs get into those closed light fixtures? 9. Considering all the lint you get in your dryer, if you kept drying your clothes would they eventually just disappear? 10. When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart than apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" When, it isn't all right . 11. Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over? 12. Is it true that the only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup is how close to the road the stuff is placed? 13. In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat? 14. How come we never hear father-in-law jokes? 15. If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing it like your wife told you to do it? 16. The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends, if they're okay, then it's you.