Ανέκδοτα, 22/06/2013

Reputation Dear Abby, I am a crack dealer in Beaumont, Texas who has recently been diagnosed as a carrier of the HIV virus. My parents live in Fort Worth. One of my sisters lives in Pflugerville and is married to a transvestite. My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana. They are financially dependent on my other two sisters who are prostitutes in Dallas. I have two brothers, one is currently serving a non-parole life sentence for the murder of a teenage boy in 1994. My other brother is currently in jail awaiting charges of sexual misconduct with his three children. I have recently become engaged to marry a former prostitute who lives in Plano. She is a part time "working girl". All things considered, my problem is this. I love my fiance and look forward to bringing her into the family. I certainly want to be totally open and honest with her. Should I tell her about my cousin in Longview who is a (political party affiliation which reader hates)? Signed: Worried about my reputation. Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

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Engine Failure An airliner is flying accross country, when the pilot comes on the PA to announce, "We have some bad news. One of the engines just failed and as a result, we will be delayed by 30 minutes." A bit later, the pilot returns, "We have some more bad news. Another engine just failed, and we will be delayed an additional hour." Another bit later, "Sorry folks, more bad news. A third engine just failed, and so, since we will be running only on the one remaining engine, the flight will be delayed by another two hours." At this point, a disgruntled passenger turns to his neighbor and says, "I sure hope that last engine keeps working or else we'll be up here all night!" Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

Paternity A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He's rather taken back because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids." Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My gosh, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made whoopee with on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my behind with wet celery?" She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I'm your son's teacher." Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

An Italian Boy's Confession "Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl." The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?" "'Yes, Father, it is." "And who was the girl you were with?" "I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation." "Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?" "I cannot say." "Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?" "I'll never tell." "Was it Nina Capelli?" "I'm sorry, but I cannot name her." "Was it Cathy Piriano?" "My lips are sealed." "Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?" "Please, Father, I cannot tell you." The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself." Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?" "Four months vacation and five good leads!"