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There was a young couple living in an old run down house. One day the man gets home from work and his wife says, "Honey, look at the walls. They haven't been painted as long as we have lived here. It's peeling and cracking; couldn't you please just paint them?"
"Who do I look like? Michelangelo?" the man replies.
"I guess not", says the wife.
The next day the man gets back from work again. Again his wife starts to complain. "Oh sugar, couldn't you just please at least repair the stairs? They're falling apart and they're really unsafe to walk up."
The man says, "Who do I look like? Frank Lloyd Wright?"
"Well, maybe not," says the wife.
The next week the man returns from his job. He walks into his house and is suddenly amazed. The stairs are fixed, the walls were painted and the house looked superb. "Honey.....How did you do this? It looks great!" he says. "Well I met up with a handyman down the street. He offered to repair our house if I either bake him a batch of brownies or sleep with him" says the wife.
"Well, honey, you baked the batch of brownies, right?"
The wife replies, "Who do I look like, Sara Lee?"
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Total the number of these that you remember:
1. Blackjack chewing gum
2. Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water
3. Candy cigarettes
4. Soda pop machines that dispensed bottles
5. Coffee shops with tableside jukeboxes
6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers
7. Party lines
8. Newsreels before the movie
9. P.F. Flyers
10. Butch wax
11. Telephone numbers with a word prefix (Olive - 6933)
12. Peashooters
13. Howdy Doody
14. 45 RPM records
15. S&H Green Stamps
16. Hi-fi's
17. Metal ice trays with levers
18. Mimeograph paper
19. Blue flashbulbs
20. Beanie and Cecil
21. Roller skate keys
22. Cork popguns
23. Drive-ins
24. Studebakers
25. Wash tub wringers
If you remembered 0-5 You're still young.
If you remembered 6-10 You are getting older.
If you remembered 11-15 Don't tell your age.
If you remembered 16-25 You're older than dirt!.
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And it came to pass that an angel came up to three newly-dead men and said - "You are all to be allocated a method for transportation around heaven. You will be judged on your past deeds, and will have your transport chosen accordingly."
The angel looked at the first guy, Dave, and said- "You, Dave, were a bad man in life. You cheated on your wife four times! For this, you will drive around Heaven in an old beat-up Dodge."
The angel next looked at the second guy, Jon, and said- "You were not as sinful, but you still cheated on your wife twice. For this, you will forever travel around heaven in a Toyota station wagon."
The angel finally looked at our hero, Sam, and said- "You, Sam, have set a fine example. You did not have sex until after marriage, and you never cheated on your wife. For this, you will forever travel through heaven in a Ferrari."
A short time later, Jon and Dave pulled up in their cars next to Sam's Ferrari. There he is, sitting on the bonnet, his head in his hands, crying.
"What's wrong, Sam?" they asked. "You got the Ferrari! You're set forever! Why so down?"
Sam looked up, ever so slowly opened his mouth, and said, "I just saw my wife go by on a skateboard."
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A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of the place. The farmer genuinely tried to be friendly to his new mother-in-law, hoping that it could be a friendly, non-antagonistic relationship.
To no avail, she kept nagging them at every opportunity, demanding changes, offering unwanted advice, and making life unbearable to the farmer and his new bride.
While they were walking through the barn, the farmer's mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law in the head, killing her instantly.
At the funeral service a few days later, the farmer stood near the casket and greeted folks as they walked by.
The pastor noticed that whenever a woman would whisper something to the farmer, he would nod his head yes and say something.
Whenever a man walked by and whispered to the farmer, however, he would shake his head, no and mumble a reply.
Very curious about this bizarre behavior, the pastor later asked the farmer what that was all about.
The farmer replied, "The women would say, 'What a terrible tragedy' and I would nod my head and say, 'Yes, it was.'
The men would ask, 'Can I borrow that mule?' and I would shake my head and say, 'Can't. It's all booked up for a year.'
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Daily Comics Digest
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