| Jokes by ArcaMax, sponsored today by: |
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My mom is a less than fastidious housekeeper.
One evening my dad returned home from work, walked into the kitchen and teased her, "You know, dear, I can write my name in the dust on the mantel."
Mom turned to him and sweetly replied, "Yes, darling, I know. That's why I married a college graduate."
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Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window.
The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape.
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I'm sending you this letter in a bogus software company envelope so you'll be sure to read it. Please forgive the deception, but I thought you should know what's been going on since your computer entered our lives two years ago.
The children are doing well. Tommy is 7 now and is a bright, handsome boy. He has developed quite an interest in the arts. He drew a family portrait for a school project. All the figures were good, but yours was excellent! The chair and back of your head are very realistic. You would be proud of him. Little Jennifer turned 3 in September. She looks a lot like you did at that age. She is an attractive child and quite smart. She still remembers that you spent the whole afternoon with us on her birthday. What a grand day for Jen despite the fact that it was stormy and the electricity was out.
I am doing well. I went blond about a year ago and was delighted to discover that it really was more fun.
I discovered that the household chores are much easier since I realized that you don't mind being vacuumed and that the feather duster makes you sneeze. The house is in good shape. I had the living room painted last spring. I'm not sure if you noticed it. I asked the painters to cut air holes in the drop cloths so you wouldn't be disturbed.
Well, dear, I must be going. The family is leaving on a ski trip and there is much packing to do. I've hired a housekeeper to take care of things while we are away. She'll keep things in order, fill your coffee cup and bring your meals to the computer room just the way you like it. I hope you and the computer have a lovely time while we are gone. Tommy, Jen and I think of you often. Try to remember us while your disks are booting.
Love, Mary
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Years ago famed Chicago Bears coach George Halas was screaming at a referee from outside the designated coaching area when the ref slapped George with a 5 yard penalty.
Halas threw down his hat and yelled at the referee, "You imbecile, it's a fifteen yard penalty, not a five yarder for coaching outside the box!"
To which the referee supposedly replied, "I know, but the way you coach George, it'll only be five".
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