Ανέκδοτα, 29/04/2012

Jokes by ArcaMax, sponsored today by:

9 Millionaires Shared Their Secrets To Success With 1 Man. For 10 years he was instructed not to release these money making secrets to the public. For the next 24 hrs, you can get them for free. 1 copy per person. ======>>> CLICK HERE NOW <<<======

Useful Work Phrases - Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view. - The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist. - I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce. - Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental. - I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care. - I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid. - What am I? Flypaper for freaks!? - I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant. Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

Sponsor Are you a diabetic? Or is someone in your home a diabetic? Join the thousands of others taking advantage of this special offer from Diabetic Source: * Free Blood Pressure meter * Free talking glucose meter * Free recipes Get your free supplies here!

More Useful Work Phrases - I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth. - I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you. - It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of karma to burn off. - Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial. - No, my powers can only be used for good. - How about never? Is never good for you? - I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me. - You sound reasonable...Time to up my medication. - I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter. Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

Speeding Up The earth may spin faster on its axis due to deforestation. Just as a figure skater's rate of spin increases when the arms are brought in close to the body, the cutting of tall trees may cause our planet to spin dangerously fast. Also: Birds take off at sunrise. On the opposite side of the world, they are landing at sunset. This causes the earth to spin on its axis. Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

Going Fast A man goes out and buys the best car available in the US or Europe, a 1997 Turbo BeepBeep. It is the best and most expensive car in the world, and it runs him $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and, while doing so, stops for a red light. An old man on a moped, both looking about 90 years old, pulls up next to him. The old man looks over the sleek, shiny surface of the car and asks "What kind of car ya got there, sonny?". The dude replies "A 1997 Turbo BeepBeep. They cost $500,000." "That's a lotta money!" says the old man, shocked. "Why does it cost so much?" "Cause this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states the cool dude proudly. The old man asks "Can I take a look inside?" "Sure" replies the owner. So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Leaning back on his moped, the old man says "That's a pretty nice car, alright!" Just then the light changes, so the guy decides to show the old man what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 320. Suddenly, the guy notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer! Whhhoooooooooossssshhhhhh! Something whips by him! Going maybe 3 times as fast! The guy wonders "what on earth could be going faster than my Turbo BeepBeep?" Then, ahead of him, he sees a dot coming toward him. Whooooooooooosh! Goes by again! And, it almost looked like the old man on the moped! Couldn't be thinks the guy. How could a moped outrun a Turbo BeepBeep? Again, he sees a dot in his rearview mirror! WhoooooooshhhhhhhhKa-BbbbblaMMMMM! It plows into the back of his car, demolishing the rear end. The guy jumps out and, indeed, it is the old man! Of course, the moped and the old man are hurting for certain. The guy runs up to the dying old man and asks "You're hurt bad! Is there anything I can do for you?" The old man replies "Yeah. Unhook my suspenders from the side-view mirror on your car!" Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

Advice Columns -- Dear Abby, Nancy Grace, and more! ArcaMax Publishing brings you the best wisdom from the most popular advice columnists, includingDear Abby and Dr. Joyce Brothers. You may also enjoy one of our newest additions, legal advice from Nancy Grace. If you are not subscribed already, click any of the subscribe links below to start receiving your advice columns instantly. * Dear Abby * Dr. Joyce Brothers * Annie's Mailbox * Carolyn Hax * Nancy Grace -- From the ArcaMax editors