ΑΝΕΚΔΟΤΑ 30/3/2013

Wait Your Turn A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly, and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!" The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!" Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

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Capital Knowledge A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W." Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

Blonde Pregnancy What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant? "Is it mine?" Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

Delaware Decision Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her USA government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about. Bambi pondered the question then finally said, "That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware"

Aνέκδοτο: Να Σε Σπρώξω;

 

30/03/2013 Βούλγαρης Χρήστος Επεξεργασία Γράψτε ένα σχόλιο Go to comments

Μια κοπέλα κάθεται σε μια καφετερία, και ξύνει ασυναίσθητα το αυτί της με το κλειδί του αυτοκινήτου της.
Κάποιος κάθεται και την παρακολουθεί πολλή ώρα.
Και κάποια στιγμή αυτή τσαντισμένη τον ρωτά γιατί την κοιτάει επίμονα.
- Περιμένω, λέει αυτός.
- Τι περιμένεις;
- Να δω, θα πάρεις μπροστά ή να σε σπρώξω!!!

λίγο γέλιο…

Τουρίστας (απευθυνόμενος σε άγαλμα): Τι όμορφος που είσαι Απόλλωνα! Τι τέλειες αναλογίες. Τι υπέροχος συνδυασμός δύναμης και χάρης, αρρενωπότητας και ευγένειας!… Σε λατρεύω Απόλλωνα!… Όμως αν ήσουν ζωντανός, θα αισθανόσουν κι εσύ τίποτα για μένα; Θα ένιωθες έστω και το ελάχιστο από το δικό μου πάθος; Τι θα μου έλεγες Απόλλωνα αν είχες φωνή;
Φύλακας: Κατ” αρχάς θα σας…έλεγε ότι είναι ο Ερμής
Ισοβίτης: Που πας Μοντεχρήστο με όλα αυτά τα πορνοπεριοδικά;
Μοντεχρήστος: Δίπλα στο γέρο κατάδικο. Έχει ξεχάσει εντελώς πως είναι οι γυναίκες και του κάνω φροντιστήριο για να τις ξαναθυμηθεί.
Ισοβίτης: Μπα; Από πότε έγινες ειδικός; Εσύ τις γυναίκες τις ξέρεις μόνο από τις φωτογραφίες των πορνοπεριοδικών!
Μοντεχρήστος: Μπορεί, αλλά αυτό δεν σημαίνει ότι δεν τις ξέρω καλά.
Ισοβίτης: Α, ναι; Και πως είναι οι γυναίκες κατά τη γνώμη σου;
Μοντεχρήστος: Ωραίες, αλλά επίπεδες!
-Γεράσιμος:
ΔΕΝ ΕΧΩ ΛΕΦΤΑ ΓΙΑ ΦΙΛΕΤΟ. ΤΕΛΕΙΑ ΚΑΙ ΠΑΥΛΑ.
-Ζαχαρίας:
ΚΑΙ ΓΙΑΤΙ ΦΩΝΑΖΕΙΣ; ΕΡΩΤΗΜΑΤΙΚΟ

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

the devil and the old man

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ΑΝΕΚΔΟΤΑ & ΒΡΑΔΥΝΑ ΑΝΕΚΔΟΤΑ 29/03/2013

Dangers of Casual E-Mailing An Illinois man left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel in Florida, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter on the address and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a loud scream, and fell to the floor in a faint. At the sound, her family rushed into the room, and saw this note on the screen: DEAREST WIFE: JUST GOT CHECKED IN. EVERYTHING IS PREPARED FOR YOUR ARRIVAL TOMORROW. P.S. SURE IS HOT DOWN HERE... Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

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Yesterday for IT People Yesterday, All those backups seemed a waste of pay. Now my database has gone away. Oh I believe in yesterday. Suddenly, There's not half the files there used to be, And there's a milestone hanging over me The system crashed so suddenly. I pushed something wrong What it was I could not say. Now all my data's gone and I long for yesterday-ay-ay-ay. Yesterday, The need for back-ups seemed so far away. I knew my data was all here to stay, Now I believe in yesterday. Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

One Liner Did you hear about the guy who went to the dentist to get new dentures? His insurance was denied and he only had a dollar on him... so he wound up with buck teeth. Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

Pythagoras Was A Native American On the banks of a river sat three indian women, sitting on three different animal skins. On a deer skin was a woman with her son, and the son weighed 140 pounds. On a buffalo skin was another woman, and her son who weighed 160 pounds. And on a hippopotamus skin sat an immense indian woman, who weighed 300 pounds herself. A native american mathemetician saw this and noted that the squaw on the hippopotamus was equal to the sons of the squaws on the other two hides.

Late Night Funny #1 Tonight, I uncover secret data in your Facebook profile.Turns out Karen 'liking' your photo means she wants to get back together with you! Stephen Colbert Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

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Late Night Funny #2 You know what I liked best about the election of the new Pope? Just the fact that we don’t have to see any more of those negative Pope campaign ads. Jay Leno Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

Late Night Funny #3 Top Ten Questions On The Dog IQ Test 10. Did you eat the dishtowel? 9. If a car is moving at 30 mph and you chase it at 15 mph, how soon will you catch it? 8. Sit 7. What is it, boy, trouble at the mill? 6. Kibbles, bits, or none of the above? 5. Paw? 4. Conjugate "woof" 3. Who's a good doggie? 2. Summarize the advantage of licking yourself 1. Can you parallel park a car? (video of dog driving a car) David Letterman Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

Late Night Funny #4 They had a panel discussion at CPAC called ‘Are You Sick and Tired of Being Called a Racist When You Know You’re Not One?’ Let me save you guys a lot of money. If you get called a racist often enough to be sick and tired of it, you might be a redneck. Bill Maher

Η ΤΡΑΠΕΖΑ ΤΟΥ ΜΕΛΛΟΝΤΟΣ

Η ΤΡΑΠΕΖΑ ΤΟΥ ΜΕΛΛΟΝΤΟΣ

Την δύσκολη ζωή μου ασφαλή να κάνω
εγώ στην τράπεζα του Μέλλοντος επάνω
πολύ ολίγα συναλλάγματα θα βγάλλω.

Κεφάλαια μεγα αν έχει αμφιβάλλω.
Κι άρχισα να φοβούμαι μην στην πρώτη κρίση
εξαφνικά τάς πληρωμάς της σταματήσει.

κ.π.Καβάφης

ΑΝΕΚΔΟΤΑ &ΒΡΑΔΥΝΑ ΑΝΕΚΔΟΤΑ 28/03/2013

Jokes by ArcaMax, sponsored today by:

How Carolyn Reversed Her Alzheimer's by Disobeying Her Doctor This all-natural protein melts away the brain-clogging mineral that triggers memory loss, dementia and Alzheimer's -- and cuts brain cell death in half! And yet this Nobel Prize-winning discovery is being ignored by 99% of doctors. Click here to read this FREE REPORT!

The Last Word from Women Men are like fine wine... They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with. Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

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What Do I Look Like? There was a young couple living in an old run down house. One day the man gets home from work and his wife says, "Honey, look at the walls. They haven't been painted as long as we have lived here. It's peeling and cracking; couldn't you please just paint them?" "Who do I look like? Michelangelo?" the man replies. "I guess not", says the wife. The next day the man gets back from work again. Again his wife starts to complain. "Oh sugar, couldn't you just please at least repair the stairs? They're falling apart and they're really unsafe to walk up." The man says, "Who do I look like? Frank Lloyd Wright?" "Well, maybe not," says the wife. The next week the man returns from his job. He walks into his house and is suddenly amazed. The stairs are fixed, the walls were painted and the house looked superb. "Honey.....How did you do this? It looks great!" he says. "Well I met up with a handyman down the street. He offered to repair our house if I either bake him a batch of brownies or sleep with him" says the wife. "Well, honey, you baked the batch of brownies, right?" The wife replies, "Who do I look like, Sara Lee?" Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

Age Barometer Total the number of these that you remember: 1. Blackjack chewing gum 2. Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water 3. Candy cigarettes 4. Soda pop machines that dispensed bottles 5. Coffee shops with tableside jukeboxes 6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers 7. Party lines 8. Newsreels before the movie 9. P.F. Flyers 10. Butch wax 11. Telephone numbers with a word prefix (Olive - 6933) 12. Peashooters 13. Howdy Doody 14. 45 RPM records 15. S&H Green Stamps 16. Hi-fi's 17. Metal ice trays with levers 18. Mimeograph paper 19. Blue flashbulbs 20. Beanie and Cecil 21. Roller skate keys 22. Cork popguns 23. Drive-ins 24. Studebakers 25. Wash tub wringers If you remembered 0-5 You're still young. If you remembered 6-10 You are getting older. If you remembered 11-15 Don't tell your age. If you remembered 16-25 You're older than dirt!. Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

Transportation in Heaven And it came to pass that an angel came up to three newly-dead men and said - "You are all to be allocated a method for transportation around heaven. You will be judged on your past deeds, and will have your transport chosen accordingly." The angel looked at the first guy, Dave, and said- "You, Dave, were a bad man in life. You cheated on your wife four times! For this, you will drive around Heaven in an old beat-up Dodge." The angel next looked at the second guy, Jon, and said- "You were not as sinful, but you still cheated on your wife twice. For this, you will forever travel around heaven in a Toyota station wagon." The angel finally looked at our hero, Sam, and said- "You, Sam, have set a fine example. You did not have sex until after marriage, and you never cheated on your wife. For this, you will forever travel through heaven in a Ferrari." A short time later, Jon and Dave pulled up in their cars next to Sam's Ferrari. There he is, sitting on the bonnet, his head in his hands, crying. "What's wrong, Sam?" they asked. "You got the Ferrari! You're set forever! Why so down?" Sam looked up, ever so slowly opened his mouth, and said, "I just saw my wife go by on a skateboard." Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

Health and Beauty Tips Get simple skin and hair care tips, dieting advice, and more with a subscription to ArcaMax's free Women ezine. The ezine also contains women's interest stories, daily inspirational quotes, and advice from the ladies at Annie's Mailbox. Subscribe to ArcaMax Women instantly. Find out more before subscribing. -- From the ArcaMax editors Late Night Funny #1 Are you all excited about March Madness? Are you all into March Madness? People are talking about who’s in, who’s out, who’s gonna be eliminated -- and that’s just here at NBC. Jay Leno Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It Sponsor Internet millionaire wants to GIVE you his website for FREE! The same website he used to make him a millionaire, you need to see this! How to get 3 checks each month (free website) As my gift to you, I’m going to GIVE you this SAME turnkey website... Claim your free website here (value $497) PS - I get these 3 checks even while I am sleeping, and now you can too! Late Night Funny #2 I don't need to tell any of you out there that the Republican Party is in crisis. And ever since they lost the election the GOP has been flailing around for answers and no one has flailed harder than Republican National Committee Chairman and unsolved jumble puzzl Rance Priebus. By the way; the solution to that jumble? Crisp Bee Urine! Stephen Colbert Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It Late Night Funny #3 Top Ten Signs Your Pilot Is A Fake 10. His wrinkled Pan Am uniform 9. Excitedly tells you it's his first time on a plane 8. During takeoff, furiously flaps his arms 7. He's also in the Skymall magazine modeling hats 6. Refers to every control in the cockpit as a 'doo-hickey' 5. Insists on patting down every passenger himself 4. "Flies" you from Gate 3 to Gate 4 3. Wanders through cabin collecting "gas money" 2. When he thanks you for flying, his mustache falls off 1. He can't hold his liquor David Letterman Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It Late Night Funny #4 Last week the Republican National Committee released its report on what went wrong in the 2012 election and how it can reverse its fortunes in the future, full of ideals, principles, and hope. (news report with the RNC describing it as an autopsy) It is a document full of idealism, principles and hope named for the process bodies pulled from a river undergo. Jon Stewart

Αντε να γελάσουμε και λίγο…

Αναρτήθηκε από τον/την olympiada στο Μαρτίου 27, 2013

>> # – Ποιο είναι το αντίθετο του Μηχανόβιος?
>> – Βιομήχανος.
>>
>> # – Τι βρήκαν ένας τράγος και ένα ελάφι στον πάτο ενός πηγαδιού ?
>> – Τραγελαφικό θάνατο!!
>>
>> # – Τι είπε η μούμια όταν συνάντησε

το παιδί της;
>> – Μούμιασες!!!
>>
>> # – Σε πόσα κομμάτια χώρισε ο Βush το Ιράκ;
>> – Σε τρία : Diesel – Αμόλυβδη – Super
>>
>> # – Γιατί εφευρέθηκαν οι λευκές σοκολάτες;
>> – Για να λερώνονται και τα μαύρα παιδάκια.
>>
>> # – Τι το κοινό έχουν ο γυναικολόγος και ο barman;
>> – Και οι δύο δουλεύουν, εκεί που οι άλλοι άνδρες διασκεδάζουν.
>>
>> – Τι κάνει ένας τσιγκούνης αν πάρει φωτιά το σπίτι του;
>> – Αναπάντητη στην πυροσβεστική..
>>
>> – Πώς λέγεται αυτός που έχει μία τρίχα στο κεφάλι του;
>> – Παρά τρίχα φαλακρός..
>>
>> – Γιατί στους τυφώνες δίνονται γυναικεία ονόματα;
>> – Γιατί έρχονται θερμοί και υγροί και φεύγουν με σπίτια και
αυτοκίνητα..
>>
>> – Ποια η διαφορά ανάμεσα σε έναν αεροπειρατή και στον εφοριακό σας;
>> – Με τον αεροπειρατή μπορείς να κάνεις κάποιες διαπραγματεύσεις..
>>
>> – Τι κοινό έχουν τα Ζωνιανά με την εκκλησία;
>> – Και στα δύο όταν μπαίνεις κάνεις το Σταυρό σου..

ΑΝΕΚΔΟΤΑ -ΒΡΑΔΥΝΑ ΑΝΕΚΔΟΤΑ 27/3/2013

Jokes by ArcaMax, sponsored today by:

The next big U.S. bankruptcy will shock most investors  The Maryland Man who predicted the collapse of GM, Fannie Mae, and Freddie Mac says the answer will surprise you. One of the country's leading financial newspapers has already written a story citing this man's accurate predictions. Now, find out who's going bankrupt next. View the full analysis, free of charge, here.

What it REALLY means "I can't find it," REALLY MEANS, "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless." "That's women's work," REALLY MEANS, "It's dirty, difficult and thankless." "Will you marry me?" REALLY MEANS, "Both my roommates have moved out, I can't find the washer, and there is no more peanut butter." "It's a guy thing," REALLY MEANS, "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical." "Can I help with dinner?" REALLY MEANS, "Why isn't it already on the table?" "It would take too long to explain, "REALLY MEANS, "I have no idea how it works." "I'm getting more exercise lately," REALLY MEANS, "The batteries in the remote are dead." Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

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What it REALLY REALLY Means "We're going to be late," REALLY MEANS, "Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac." "Take a break, honey, you're working too hard, "REALLY MEANS, "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner." "That's interesting, dear," REALLY MEANS, "Are you still talking?" "Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love, REALLY MEANS, "I forgot our anniversary again." "It's really a good movie," REALLY MEANS, "It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and good looking women." "You know how bad my memory is," REALLY MEANS, "I remember the words to the theme song of "F Troop", the address of the first girl I kissed, the Vehicle Identification Number of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday." "Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself. It's no big deal," REALLY MEANS, "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt." "I do help around the house," REALLY MEANS, "I once threw a dirty towel near the laundry basket." Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

What it REALLY REALLY REALLY Means "What did I do this time?" REALLY MEANS, "What did you catch me doing?" "She's one of the rabid feminists," REALLY MEANS, "She refused to make my coffee." "I heard you," REALLY MEANS, "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me." "You really look terrific in that outfit," REALLY MEANS, "Please don't try on another outfit. I'm starving." "I missed you," REALLY MEANS, "I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry and we are out of toilet paper." "I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are," REALLY MEANS, "No one will ever see us alive again." "We share the housework," REALLY MEANS, "I make the messes. She cleans them up." "I don't need to read the instructions," REALLY MEANS, "I am perfectly capable of messing it up without printed help." Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

Secret to a Long Marriage Some people ask the secret of Anthony's long marriage. They take time to go to a restaurant two times a week: a little candlelight dinner, soft music, and a slow walk home. The Mrs. goes Tuesdays; He goes Fridays. Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

Social Security column and more from ArcaMax Senior Living Check out ArcaMax's Senior Living channel, featuring news and advice for seniors on retirement, health, and more. Learn more about social security benefits, get health tips just for seniors, and more. Subscribe instantly to the Senior Living weekday email newsletter for daily news and feature stories. -- From the ArcaMax editors -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Jokes by ArcaMax, sponsored today by: The next big U.S. bankruptcy will shock most investors  The Maryland Man who predicted the collapse of GM, Fannie Mae, and Freddie Mac says the answer will surprise you. One of the country's leading financial newspapers has already written a story citing this man's accurate predictions. Now, find out who's going bankrupt next. View the full analysis, free of charge, here. Editor's Note: You receive Late Night Jokes because you are subscribed to the Jokes ezine. This PM edition is sent Monday through Friday. Click here to stop receiving the evening edition. Late Night Funny #1 Newt Gingrich tweeted that canceling the (White House Easter Egg) Roll is 'shameless and pathetic, because when you don't commemorate Jesus by screwing around with food, freedom dies.' And then, to honor eggs everywhere, he fell off a wall. Bill Maher Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It Sponsor Enter to Win a New Kia Sorento(R) Plus a $10,000 Gas Card! Just take a short survey, and you'll be automatically entered to win. It's your chance to win this SUV with a 5-star safety rating. Plus, the winner gets a bonus $10,000 gas card! Click to get started! Late Night Funny #2 Can we at least stop saying that the job of pope is so hard, such a burden no one would even want it? What?! Okay, first of all, you're selling an invisible product. It doesn't get any easier than that. No one is ever going to come back from the dead and say, "Ah, it's bullstuff up there; there's no heaven." "It's just an empty lot."  Hard job? All a pope does is talk, and everything you say is right, by definition. And you're there for life. Talk about tenure. And what other business could you be in where your company gets caught running a child sex ring since forever, and you still keep your customers? Bill Maher Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It Late Night Funny #3 Top Ten Things Overheard at the Popes' Lunch 10. "Are you seeing anyone?" 9. "I just love the Vatican City Cheesecake Factory" 8. "Hmm, what would Jesus order?" 7. "Who do you have to canonize to get some coffee around here?" 6. "I know I'm infallible, but I should've gone with the chicken" 5. "Which of you had the margarita, no salt?" 4. "Cardinals be crazy" 3. "Why didn't I think of being the humble Pope?" 2. "Oh look at the time, I should get back to poping" 1. "Put it on God's tab" David Letterman Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It Late Night Funny #4 When someone finally scores a goal in soccer, don't ruin it with a Nazi salute. Yes, this was the goal celebration of a young, Greek player last week. Then again, with all the money the Germans have spent bailing out Greece, maybe this is just his way of saying "thank you." Bill Maher Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It Social Security column and more from ArcaMax Senior Living Check out ArcaMax's Senior Living channel, featuring news and advice for seniors on retirement, health, and more. Learn more about social security benefits, get health tips just for seniors, and more. Subscribe instantly to the Senior Living weekday email newsletter for daily news and feature stories. -- From the ArcaMax editors

The Harvard School Of Dogs

Μαρτίου 27, 2013 στις 8:23 μμ

YOU CAN RUN ΓΑΠ
BUT YOU CAN’T HIDE . .

(the welcome theme)

Bad boy
bad boy
what you want
what you gonna do (δις)
when Sheriff John Brown
come looking for you,
tell me,
what you gonna do (δις)
bad boy?

Sheriff John Brown
(and The Famous Miranda monologue – zeimpekia)

Put your hands around your back (clip-c r r r / δις)

“You have the right to remain silent.
Anything you say can and will be used against you at the Γουδή
court of law.

You have the right to speak to an attorney, and to have an attorney present during any questioning.

If you cannot afford a lawyer (or the rope), one will be provided
for you at government expense”.

Do you understand, Sir?