ΑΝΕΚΔΟΤΑ 25/1/2013

An Engineer, Physicist and Mathematician in a hotel An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician are staying in a hotel. The engineer wakes up and smells smoke. He goes out into the hallway and sees a fire, so he fills a trash can from his room with water and douses the fire. He goes back to bed. Later, the physicist wakes up and smells smoke. He opens his door and sees a fire in the hallway. He walks down the hall to a fire hose and after calculating the flame velocity, distance, water pressure, trajectory, etc. extinguishes the fire with the minimum amount of water and energy needed. Later, the mathematician wakes up and smells smoke. He goes to the hall, sees the fire and then the fire hose. He thinks for a moment and then exclaims, "Ah, a solution exists!" and then goes back to bed. Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

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Life's Observations 1. Marriage changes passion; suddenly you're in bed with a relative. 2. Sign in a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea." 3. I have my own little world. But it's OK, they know me here. 4. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with. 5. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal? 6. I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected. 7. The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value. 8. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. 9. Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a couple of bucks at the bowling alley. 10. I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore I am perfect. 11. How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America? 12. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool? Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

Top Secret Communications Center When my son was in the Air Force, my wife and I visited quite often. On our first visit, we were allowed inside this top secret Communications Center, but everything in sight was covered up so we could look around everywhere -- Heck, even the toilet paper in the Men's room was disguised. Anyway, at the exit, there's a sign above the door, which reads: "You have been exposed to Top Secret Material. Please destroy yourself before leaving the building." Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

Aspirin Overdose Jane calls the doctor in a panic. "Doctor, doctor! My little Jimmy swallowed a dozen aspirin. What should I do?" The doctor asked Jane, "Are you sure it was a dozen?" The frantic mother says, "Absolutely! Doctor, I'm scared to death!" The doctor tells the mother, "Calm down. Is little Jimmy crying?" Jane says "No." "Is he sleeping?" asks the doctor. "No." says Jimmy's mom. The doctor goes on with routine questions, "Is his color funny?" Again Jane says "No." "Did Jimmy throw up?" asks the methodical doctor. "No." says the worried mom. "But I'm so scared. All that aspirin...shouldn't I do something?" To which the doctor says, "Try giving him a headache." =============================================================================== Jokes by ArcaMax, sponsored today by: Lose Belly Fat Naturally in the Next 14 Days America's Most Trusted Doctors are claiming this weird food is the cure for burning fat fast for almost every body type. An average weight loss of 18lbs with NO changes in diet or exercise! If you want to finally lose weight in 2013, then you owe it to yourself to Click Here Right Now While This Video is Still Available Editor's Note: You receive Late Night Jokes because you are subscribed to the Jokes ezine. This PM edition is sent Monday through Friday. Click here to stop receiving the evening edition. Late Night Funny #1 Wal-Mart made plans to hire 100,000 U.S. Veterans. Which can only mean one thing: Wal-Mart is going to invade Costco. Conan O'Brien Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It Sponsor Important information for chronic back or neck pain sufferers from the Laser Spine Institute Get relief from chronic spine conditions and return to your normal life in less than one week! Laser Spine Institute's minimally invasive procedures are the safe and effective alternative to open back or neck surgery. There's no hospital stay, no lengthy recovery, no fusions or hardware. Learn more today... Late Night Funny #2 Yesterday Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas spoke during a court session for the first time in seven years. He never speaks and he finally spoke. It’s already being called the best ‘that’s what she said’ joke ever. Conan O'Brien Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It Late Night Funny #3 Education Secretary Arne Duncan announced that he will stay at the White House for President Obama’s second term. He said his mission is to make the U.S. number one in education, and won’t stop until our students are doing gooder. Jimmy Fallon Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It Late Night Funny #4 The White House has rejected an online petition to build a planet-destroying Death Star like the one in the movie Star Wars. Officials said today the administration does not support blowing up planets. See, the White House believes the most effective way to destroy planets is with their economic policy. Jay Leno Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It Mobile Comics App Enjoy your favorite comics like Zits, Baby Blues, BC, Wizard of Id, Dennis the Menace -- and many more -- from your mobile devices. The Funnies app's newest version includes much easier navigation and several more comics. The App now costs $0.99 (lifetime). For Droid users, go to https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.arcamax.funnies For the IPhone app, go to https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/funnies/id578259615?ls=1 Each app includes more than 75 of the ArcaMax cartoon lineup. With this app, you can mark your Favorites and view them daily without having to browse through the whole list. Enjoy! -- From the ArcaMax editors

ΒΡΑΔΥΝΑ ΑΝΕΚΔΟΤΑ 24/1/2013

Jokes by ArcaMax, sponsored today by:

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Editor's Note: You receive Late Night Jokes because you are subscribed to the Jokes ezine. This PM edition is sent Monday through Friday. Click here to stop receiving the evening edition.

Late Night Funny #1 Where did we go wrong? The Republicans had everything going for them – a terrible economy, an unpopular incumbent, and a positive message for the American voter: 'less than half of you are parasites.' Stephen Colbert Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

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Late Night Funny #2 At the inaugural ball, President Obama was caught doing some very stiff and awkward dance moves. In other words, Obama is already reaching out to Republicans. Conan O'Brien Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

Late Night Funny #3 On the news they made a big deal out of the fact that four years ago there were twice as many people at President Obama's first inauguration than there was at this one. That's because four years ago, twice as many people could afford to stay in hotels. Jay Leno Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

Late Night Funny #4 More than a million people gathered in our nation's capital yesterday, and tens of millions more watched from home to celebrate the first lady's new haircut. Most people seem to like the hair style, though some Republicans are demanding further cuts. But bangs aren't easy to pull off. As far as I know, the only other women who have done it successfully this decade are Jessica Biel and Justin Bieber. Jimmy Kimmel

ΑΝΕΚΔΟΤΑ 24/1/2013

Jokes by ArcaMax, sponsored today by:

Free Report Reveals How Your Body Can Easily Cure Itself of Cancer! Over 6,100 articles from scientific literature prove that a natural substance creates an environment in the body which melts cancer away! If you know anyone who's suffering from cancer, you *must* read this free report titled "The Simple, Proven 'One-Minute' Cure For Virtually All Disease Including Cancer." This is the report that the pharmaceutical industry doesn't want you to have. Click here now to discover how a simple formula has been scientifically proven to cure cancer and virtually all diseases. This free report could save your life!

College Cure Two men sank into adjacent train seats after a long day in the city. One asked the other, "Your son go back to college yet?" "Two days ago." "Mine's a senior this year, so it's almost over. In May, he'll be an engineer. What's your boy going to be when he gets out of college?" "At the rate he's going, I'd say he'll be about thirty." "No, I mean what's he taking in college?" "He's taking every penny I make." "Doesn't he burn the midnight oil enough?" "He doesn't get in early enough to burn the midnight oil." "Well, has sending him to college done anything at all?" "Sure has! It's totally cured his mother of bragging about him." Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

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A Bad Day Fishing Jim had an awful day fishing on the lake, sitting in the blazing sun all day without catching a single one. On his way home, he stopped at the supermarket and ordered four catfish. He told the fish salesman, "Pick four large ones out and throw them at me, will you?" "Why do you want me to throw them at you?" "Because I want to tell my wife that I caught them." "Okay, but I suggest that you take the orange roughy." "But why?" "Because your wife came in earlier today and said that if you came by, I should tell you to take orange roughy. She prefers that for supper tonight."

ΑΝΕΚΔΟΤΑ 23/1/2013

A Norwegian and a Canoe Lars asked Ole, "Do ya know da difference between a Norvegian and a canoe?" "No, I don't," said Ole. "A canoe will sometimes tip," explained Lars. Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

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What Sound A group of young children were sitting in a circle with their teacher. She was going around in turn asking them all questions. "Davey, what sound does a cow make?" Davey replied, "It goes 'moo'." "Alice, what sound does a cat make?" Alice said, "It goes 'meow'." "Jamie, what sound does a lamb make?" Jamie said, "It goes 'baaa'." "Jennifer, what sound does a mouse make?" Jennifer paused, and said, "Uhh... it goes... 'click'!" Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

Missing Homework After teaching high school for nearly 20 years, I thought I'd heard every possible excuse for missing homework until one parent sent me this note: "Please excuse Lori for not having her algebra homework. The cat had kittens on it last night." Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

Car Sale Judi tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles. One day, she told her problem to a friend she worked with at a salon. Her friend told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal." "That doesn't matter," replied Judi, "if only I can sell the car." "Okay," said Judi's friend. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore." The following weekend, Judi made the trip to the mechanic. Two weeks later the friend asked Judi, "Did you sell your car?" "No," replied Judi, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it!"

Jokes by ArcaMax, sponsored today by:

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Editor's Note: You receive Late Night Jokes because you are subscribed to the Jokes ezine. This PM edition is sent Monday through Friday. Click here to stop receiving the evening edition.

Late Night Funny #1 Daniel Day-Lewis won a Golden Globe for playing Abraham Lincoln and Julianne Moore won for playing Sarah Palin. The foreign press realized that the greatest challenge for an actor in Hollywood is pretending to be a Republican. Jay Leno Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

Sponsor Former Army Soldier Reveals amazing secrets to... >> 1. Killing stubborn belly fat >> 2. Why Diet Soda is "Secretly" Making You Fat >> 3. Foods Loaded With Fat That Will Force Your Body To Lose Weight... >> 4. "Weird" Ab Exercises that will give you lean and toned abs... Watch the short, funny and informative video now!

Late Night Funny #2 The Golden Globes last night had a lot of great moments. During Jodie Foster’s emotional speech she said she was gay, 50, and friends with Mel Gibson. Afterwards, her publicist told Jodie, ‘I’m going to need a raise.’ Conan O'Brien Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

Late Night Funny #3 An economist is suggesting that the U.S. Treasury mint a trillion-dollar coin and deposit it in the federal reserve – which is how ‘The Lord of the Rings’ starts, isn’t it? Jimmy Kimmel Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

Late Night Funny #4 President Obama held the final press conference of his first term in office this morning, talking mostly about the debt ceiling. He announced if Congress doesn’t raise the debt ceiling America will go into default on its loans and we might have to say goodbye to Florida. Jimmy Kimmel Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

Political-Themed Comics Available from ArcaMax No matter what your side of the aisle, we've got comics sure to inspire discussion. Check out Doonesbury, Mallard Filmore, and more from ArcaMax Comics. ArcaMax has more than 70 comics to read free by e-mail every morning. Subscribe to one or more of your favorites and start reading!

ΒΡΑΔΥΝΑ ΑΝΕΚΔΟΤΑ 22/1/2013

Late Night Funny #1 Republicans and Democrats are working on a new bill to streamline the healthcare system. It will reduce the cost of mammograms and prostate exams. But don’t worry. They’ll still be free at the airport. Jimmy Fallon Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

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Late Night Funny #2 President Obama held the final press conference of his first term in office this morning, talking mostly about the debt ceiling. He announced if Congress doesn’t raise the debt ceiling America will go into default on its loans and we might have to say goodbye to Florida. Jimmy Kimmel Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

Late Night Funny #3 President Obama is coming under criticism that his new administration has less diversity than his first one. Which is why this morning Obama said, ‘All right, fine, I am a Muslim.' Conan O'Brien Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

Late Night Funny #4 The mayor of Los Angeles, Antonio Villaraigosa, was seen partying in Mexico with Charlie Sheen. When will Charlie learn that people judge you by the company you keep? Jay Leno

ΑΝΕΚΔΟΤΑ 22/1/2013

Jokes by ArcaMax, sponsored today by:

50th Wedding Anniversary A couple goes out to dinner to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. On the way home, she notices a tear in his eye and asks if he's getting sentimental because they're celebrating 50 wonderful years together. He replies, "No, I was thinking about the time before we got married. "Your father threatened me with a shotgun and said he'd have me thrown in jail for 50 years if I didn't marry you. Tomorrow I would've been a free man!" Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

Sponsor "Test & Keep Quality Cooking Products!" Become a Cooking Club of America Member, and Official Product Tester, and you'll be eligible to test & keep great cooking products... This is just one of the many benefits you'll receive as a Member of the Cooking Club of America. Go here for all the Club Benefits & details.

The New Pastor A new pastor moved into town and went out one Saturday to visit his community. All went well until he came to one house. It was obvious that someone was home, but no one came to the door even after he knocked several times. Finally, he took out his card, wrote on the back "Revelation 3:20" and stuck it in the door. The next day, as he was counting the offering he found his card in the collection plate. Below his message was a notation "Genesis 3:10." Upon opening his Bible to the passage he let out a roar of laughter. Revelation 3:20 reads: (Pastors note) "Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If any man hear my voice, and opens the door, I will come into him, and will dine with him, and he with me." Genesis 3:10 reads: "And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked." Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

Bad Leg A man goes into the doctor. He says, "Doc, you gotta check my leg. Something's wrong. Just put your ear up to my thigh, you'll hear it!" The doctor cautiously placed his ear to the man's thigh, only to hear, "Gimme 20 bucks. I really need 20 bucks." "I've never seen or heard anything like this before. How long has this been going on?" The doctor asked. "That's nothing Doc. Put your ear to my knee." The doctor put his ear to the man's knee and heard it say, "Man, I really need 10 dollars. Just lend me 10 bucks!!" "Sir, I really don't know what to tell you. I've never seen anything like this." The doctor was dumbfounded. "Wait Doc, that's not all. There's more, just put your ear up to my ankle," the man urged him. The doctor did as the man said and was blown away to hear his ankle plead, "Please, I just need 5 dollars. Lend me 5 bucks, please, if you will." "I have no idea what to tell you. There's nothing about it in my books," he said, as he frantically searched all his medical reference books. "I can make a well educated guess though," he continued. "Based on life and all my previous experience, I can tell you that your leg seems to be broke in three places." Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

Airline Rage As a guy takes his seat on an airplane, he is surprised to find a parrot strapped in next to him. After taking off, the flight attendant comes around to serve the passengers on the plane. The guy asks the flight attendant for a coffee and the parrot squawks: "And get ME a coke...NOW!" The flight attendant, flustered by the parrot's attitude, brings back a coke for the parrot. However, she forgets the coffee for the guy. As the guy points this out, the parrot drains his glass and screams: "Get me another coke or I'll really create a scene!" Quite upset, the attendant comes back shaking, with another coke, but still no coffee. Irritated at her forgetfulness, the man decides to try the parrot's approach. "I've asked you twice for a coffee. Go and get it right now, or I'll create a scene that will make HIS look like a Victorian tea party!" The next moment, both the guy and the parrot are grabbed and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly security guards. Hurtling towards earth, the parrot turns to him and says: "You're pretty cheeky for a guy who can't fly!" Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

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Δευτέρα, 21 Ιανουαρίου 2013

Ποιός θα μας σωσει από τους φανατικούς της Παγκοσμιοποιήσης;

Ο Στουρνάρας σε συνέντευξή του στο CNN ομολογεί.. "Ας μας αγοράσουν και οι Τούρκοι...Παγκοσμιοποίηση έχουμε στην οποία πιστεύω"