Προσωπικο ημερολόγιο μαζί με διάφορες σκέψεις
| Science Fiction | Jun. 24, 2013 |
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Excerpted
by permission. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be
reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the
publisher.
Excerpts are provided solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
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| Today's Featured Books | Jun. 24, 2013 |
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Excerpted
by permission. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be
reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the
publisher.
Excerpts are provided solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
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BookDaily Top Five | |||||||||||||
| Monday, June 24, 2013 | Archive | Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It |
Copyright 2013 Creators Syndicate Inc.
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| kes by ArcaMax, sponsored today by: | ||||||||
(June 24, 2013) - Do not pay your car insurance bill... until you read this.
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Marine Biologist
A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins
that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls.
One day, his supply of the birds ran out so he had to go out and trap some more. On the way back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly stepped over them. Immediately, he was arrested and charged with transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises. |
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Best Round of Golf
A man was at the country club for his weekly round of golf. He began
his round with an eagle on the first hole and a birdie on the second.
On the third hole he had just scored his first ever hole-in-one when
his cell phone rang.
It was a doctor notifying him that his wife had just been in a terrible accident and was in critical condition and in the ICU. The man told the doctor to inform his wife where he was and that the he'd be there as soon as possible. As he hung up he realized he was leaving what was shaping up to be his best ever round of golf. He decided to get in a couple of more holes before heading to the hospital. He ended up playing all eighteen, finishing his round shooting a personal best 61, shattering the club record by five strokes and beating his previous best game by more than 10. He was jubilant.... Then he remembered his wife. Feeling guilty he dashed to the hospital. He saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about his wife's condition. The doctor glared at him and shouted, "You went ahead and finished your round of golf didn't you!" "I hope you're proud of yourself! While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself at the country club your wife has been languishing in the ICU! It's just as well you went ahead and finished that round because it will be more than likely your last! For the rest of her life she will require round the clock care, and you will be her care giver!" The man was feeling so guilty he broke down and sobbed. The doctor snickered and said, "I'm just messing with you. She's dead. What'd you shoot?" |
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Signs You Are Getting Old
Your houseplants are alive, and you can’t smoke any of them.
Making whoopee in a twin bed is out of the question. You keep more food than beer in the fridge. 6:00 a.m . is when you get up, not when you go to bed. You hear your favorite song in an elevator. You watch the Weather Channel. Your friends marry and divorce instead of “hook up” and “break up.” You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as “dressed up.” You’re the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won’t turn down the stereo. Older relatives feel comfortable telling whoopee jokes around you. You don’t know what time Taco Bell closes anymore. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up. |
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You Are Getting Old: The Signs
You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.
Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt. You take naps. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer “pretty good stuff.” You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time. “I just can’t drink the way I used to” replaces “I’m never going to drink that much again.” 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking “Oh no what the heck!”
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Please notify us here to discontinue the P.M. edition of this BookDaily newsletter.
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| Today's Featured Books | Jun. 23, 2013 |
 Today's Emerging Author |
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My Arab Springby R ZainISBN / ASIN: 1300465255 |
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What was the 'Arab Spring' and why did the revolution sweep the Middle
East, seemingly without warning? This is a survivor's true story from
the frontline of the uprising that erupted in Bahrain and almost toppled
the Monarchy. But this is not the mass media's slanted version of events
of what happened. This is an account of the uprising from the
perspective of an activist involved in the counter-revolutionary
movement ignored by the media. Enter a world of dirty tricks, smears,
violence and even murder. This is the truth from behind the lines of the
revolution that made history and shook the world. This is the story of a
desperate battle for survival in the midst of chaos.
Preface It had been coming for years. All the pent up anger and
frustration across the Arab world finally erupted in 2011. The product
became known as ‘The Arab Spring’ as millions of Arabs mobilised to
redress the balance of power. But the mass media only told one side of
the story; the rebel story and their struggle to overthrow the
governments in Libya, Egypt, Tunisia and Yemen.
In short order, the uprising spread to Syria and the Middle East became
a battleground again. This is...
Continue Reading 
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| Today's Bestseller |
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The Drunken Botanist: The Plants That Create the World's Great Drinksby Amy StewartISBN / ASIN: 1616200464 |
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AGAVE
Agave tequilana AGAVACEAE (AGAVE FAMILY)
The agave is better known for what it is not than for what it is. Some
people think it is a kind of cactus; in fact, it is a member of the
botanical order Asparagales, making it more similar to asparagus and a
few other unlikely relatives: the shade-loving garden ornamental hosta,
the blue hyacinth bulb, and the spiky desert yucca.
Another misconception arises when agaves are called century plants,
suggesting that they bloom once in a hundred years. In fact, many bloom
after eight to ten years but "decade plant" doesn't sound nearly as
romantic. The much-anticipated bloom is vitally important, ...
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| Jokes by ArcaMax, sponsored today by: |
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Company Mergers
Companies are always consolidating. Here is some inside information
about some potential mergers...
Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W. R. Grace Co. Will merge and become: Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace Polygram Records, Warner Bros., and Zesta Crackers join forces and become: Poly, Warner, Cracker 3M will merge with Goodyear and become: MMMGood Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining will merge and become: ZipAudiDoDa FedEx is expected to join its competitor, UPS, and become: FedUP Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will become: Fairwell Honeychild Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to become: PouponPants Knotts Berry Farm and the National Organization of Women will become: Knott NOW! |
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Fall Classes for Men at the Adult Learning Center
Note: Due to the complexity and difficulty level of their contents,
class sizes will be limited to 8 participants maximum.
How to Fill Up the Ice Cube Trays Step by Step, with Slide Presentation. Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM. The Toilet Paper Roll—Does it Change Itself? Round Table Discussion. Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours. Is it Possible to Urinate Using the Technique of Lifting the Seat and Avoiding the Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub? Group Practice. Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours. Fundamental Differences between the Laundry Hamper and the Floor Pictures and Explanatory Graphics. Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks. Dinner Dishes—Can They Levitate and Fly into the Kitchen Sink? Examples on Video. Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM Loss of Identity—Losing the Remote to Your Significant Other. Help Line Support and Support Groups. Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM Learning How to Find Things—Starting with Looking in the Right Places and Not Turning the House Upside Down While Screaming. Open Forum. Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours. Health Watch—Bringing Her Flowers is Not Harmful to Your Health. Graphics and Audio Tapes. Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours. Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost. Real Life Testimonials. Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined. Is It Genetically Impossible to Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks? Driving Simulations. 4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours. Learning to Live—Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife. Online Classes and role-playing. Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques. Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM. How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy—Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going to Be Late. Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered. Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours. The Stove/Oven—What It Is and How It Is Used. Live Demonstration. Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined. |
Cinderella Revisited
Cinderella is now 95 years old.
After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat named Bob for companionship. One sunny afternoon out of nowhere, appeared the fairy godmother. Cinderella said, "Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years?" The fairy godmother replied, "Cinderella, you have lived an exemplary life since I last saw you. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?" Cinderella was taken aback, overjoyed, and after some thoughtful consideration, she uttered her first wish: "The prince was wonderful, but not much of an investor. I'm living hand to mouth on my disability checks, and I wish I were wealthy beyond comprehension." Instantly her rocking chair turned into solid gold. Cinderella said, "Ooh, thank you, Fairy Godmother" The fairy godmother replied, "It is the least that I can do. What do you want for your second wish?" Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said, "I wish I were young and full of the beauty and youth I once had." At once, her wish became reality, and her beautiful young visage returned. Cinderella felt stirrings inside of her that had been dormant for years. And then the fairy godmother spoke once more: "You have one more wish; what shall it be?" Cinderella looks over to the frightened cat in the corner and says, "I wish for you to transform Bob, my old cat, into a kind and handsome young man." Magically, Bob suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his biological make-up that, when he stood before her, he was a man so beautiful the likes of him neither she nor the world had ever seen. The fairy godmother said, "Congratulations, Cinderella, enjoy your new life." With a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, the fairy godmother was gone as suddenly as she appeared. For a few eerie moments, Bob and Cinderella looked into each other's eyes. Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most beautiful, stunningly perfect man she had ever seen. Then Bob walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair. He held her close in his young muscular arms. He leaned in close, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath as he whispered... "I bet you're sorry you neutered me." |
| Today's Featured Books | Jun. 22, 2013 |
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Excerpted
by permission. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be
reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the
publisher.
Excerpts are provided solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
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| Science Fiction | Jun. 23, 2013 |
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