Οταν ο ΚΥΡ έχει κέφια 28/11/2012

Οταν ο ΚΥΡ έχει κέφια by Αγγελική

ΑΝΕΚΔΟΤΑ 17/12/2012

Jokes by ArcaMax, sponsored today by:

Save up to 90% on Your Holiday Shopping with BradsDeals! Sign up today for FREE access to the best deals online! BradsDeals finds the best coupon codes & online deals every day, so you don't have to! * Apparel * Electronics * Home and Garden * Kids & Baby Products * Travel Sign up now to save up to 90% OFF your favorite brands, all while shopping online!

Always Wear Your Seat Belt This old rancher in Montana hates wearing a seat belt, but one day he's driving on the highway with his wife and sees a state patrol car behind him. He says to his wife, "Quick, take the wheel! I gotta put my seat belt on!" So she does, and right then the patrolman pulls them over. He walks up to the car and says, "Say, I noticed you weren't wearing your seat belt." The rancher says, "I was too, but you don't have to take my word for it-- my wife here is a good Christian woman, ask her; she'll tell you the truth. She doesn't lie about anything." The cop says to the wife, "So? How about it, ma'am?" And the wife says: "I've been married to Buck for twenty years, officer, and one thing I've learned in all that time is this - you never argue with him when he's drunk." Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

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Not Much of A Man A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when three members of a motorcycle gang walked in. The first walked up to the old man and pushed his cigarette into the old man's pie, and then took a seat at the counter. The second walked up to the old man and spit into the old man's milk, and then he took a seat at the counter. The third walked up to the old man and turned over the old man's plate, and then he took a seat at the counter. Without a word of protest, the old man quietly left the diner. Shortly thereafter, one of the bikers said to the waitress, "Humph, not much of a man, was he?" The waitress replied, "Not much of a truck driver either. He just backed his truck over three motorcycles." Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

Great Truths About Life that Adults Have Learned - Raising teenagers is like trying to nail Jell-O to a tree. - There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt. - Reason to smile: Every seven minutes of every day someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring. - The best way to keep kids at home is to make the home a pleasant atmosphere...and let the air out of their tires. - Families are like fudge...mostly sweet with a few nuts. - Middle age is when you choose cereal for the fiber, not the toy. - The more you complain, the longer God lets you live. - If you can remain calm, you don't have all the facts. - Eat a live toad first thing in the morning, and nothing worse can happen to you the rest of the day. - You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you're down there. Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

The Critical Barber So the guy goes in to his barber. He's all excited, and says, "I'm going to go to Rome. I'm flying on Alitalia and staying at the Rome Hilton, and I'm going to see the Pope!" The barber says, "Ha! Alitalia is a terrible airline, the Rome Hilton is a dump, and when you see the Pope, you'll probably be standing in back of about ten thousand people." So the guy goes to Rome. When he comes back and the barber says, "How was it?" "Great," he says. "Alitalia was wonderful airline. The hotel was great. And I got to meet the Pope!" "You met the Pope?" asked the barber. "I bent down to kiss the Pope's ring." "And what did he say?" "He said, 'Where did you get that crummy haircut?'"

ΛΑΥΡΕΝΤΙΑΔΗΣ

ΑΝΕΚΔΟΤΑ 16/12/2012

Jokes by ArcaMax, sponsored today by:

(December 16, 2012) - Do Not Pay Your Car Insurance Bill... Until You Read This. Out of all 246 auto insurers, we found these important "hidden" discounts. * After reporting on the hidden discounts, 650,000 drivers   used this one tip to get extreme insurance discounts. * Recently reported: if you're just with "any" auto insurer,   you may be overpaying by $793 a year. Click here -- to see the insurance discounts you'll get.

Why Specs Live Forever The US Standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd number. Why was that gauge used? Because that's the way they built them in England, and the US railroads were built by English expatriates. Why did the English people build them like that? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that's the gauge they used. Why did "they" use that gauge then? Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing. Okay! Why did the wagons use that odd wheel spacing? Well, if they tried to use any other spacing the wagons would break on some of the old, long distance roads, because that's the spacing of the old wheel ruts. So who built these old rutted roads? The first long distance roads in Europe were built by Imperial Rome for the benefit of their legions. The roads have been used ever since. And the ruts? The initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagons, were first made by Roman war chariots. Since the chariots were made for or by Imperial Rome they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing. Thus, we have the answer to the original questions. The United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches derives from the original specification for an Imperial Roman army war chariot. Specs and Bureaucracies live forever. So, the next time you are handed a specification and wonder what horse's rear came up with it, you may be exactly right. Because the Imperial Roman chariots were made to be just wide enough to accommodate the back-ends of two war horses. Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

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Pythagoras Was A Native American On the banks of a river sat three indian women, sitting on three different animal skins. On a deer skin was a woman with her son, and the son weighed 140 pounds. On a buffalo skin was another woman, and her son who weighed 160 pounds. And on a hippopotamus skin sat an immense indian woman, who weighed 300 pounds herself. A native american mathemetician saw this and noted that the squaw on the hippopotamus was equal to the sons of the squaws on the other two hides. Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

One Liner Did you hear about the guy who went to the dentist to get new dentures? His insurance was denied and he only had a dollar on him... so he wound up with buck teeth. Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

You Get What You Pay For A woman went out to her yard one morning and found her dog just laying there, not moving at all. She thought it might be dead, but since it was a basset hound and never moved much anyway, she wanted to be sure... after all, she didn't want to bury it and then find out it wasn't. So she took it to the vet. The vet agreed to take a look. He shook the dog gently. He checked for a doggy pulse, but couldn't find one. He held a mirror up to the dog's nose but it stayed clear. He said, "Well, the dog does look dead; but I'd like to run one more test." He goes into the other room and brings back an animal carrier. He opens the door and a cat comes out, walks around the dog two or three times, and finally lifts it's head and tail and goes back into the carrier. Vet says, "Well, ma'am, I'm sorry to say but your dog is dead." "Well, that's what I came here to find out," she says, "How much do I owe you?" "That'll be $520." "What?" she screams, "$520 to tell me my dog's dead?? Why so much?" "Well," said the vet, "it's $20 for the office visit, and $500 for the cat scan." Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

Holiday Tips from ArcaMax Life Advice Take some of the stress out of the holidays this year with help from ArcaMax's Life Advice videos. Save time on washing dishes, plan innovative decorations for your next party, and more. For more tips and advice around the house, sign up for ArcaMax's free Home and Consumer newsletter. Subscribe to ArcaMax Home and Consumer instantly. Find out more before subscribing. -- From the ArcaMax editors

ΑΝΕΚΔΟΤΑ 15/12/2012

Jokes by ArcaMax, sponsored today by:

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Guard Dog Sam and George owned a store in the outskirts of San Francisco. It had been burglarized several times in the past year and Sam decided to buy a guard dog. Shopping for one, Sam found himself in Chinatown, at a pet store whose sign boasted, The Best Guard Dogs That Money Will Buy. He entered the store, but much to his disappointment, all the dogs he could see were Pekingese. "Excuse me", Sam said to the manager, "But the sign outside says you sell guard dogs. Where are they?" The manager, an elderly Chinese, replied, "Oh, but these are highly trained guard dogs. They all know karate." "Karate! No way." "I'll show you", said the shop owner. He took one of the Pekingese out to the backyard and put it in front of a brick. The dog stood absolutely still. The shopkeeper gave a command, "Karate! Brick!" And with complete astonishment, Sam saw the little dog perform a perfect karate chop, splitting the brick in half. Totally amazed, he bought the dog. Back at his own store, he showed the guard dog Pekingese to George, who thought he was completely mad and told him to return the Pekingese immediately. "But, he is a trained guard dog." "Yeah, sure!" Sam put the Pekingese on the floor and said, "He knows karate!!" With a sneer George retorted, "Karate! My Foot!" Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

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Smart Bird? His mother was now living in Miami Beach and the young man didn't see her that often. His father was no longer around and he was worried that Mom was lonely. For her birthday, he purchased a rare parrot, trained to speak seven languages. He had a courier deliver the bird to his dear mother. A few days later, he called. "Ma, what do you think of the bird?" "The bird was good, but a little tough. I should have cooked it longer." "You ate the bird? Ma, the bird was very expensive. It spoke seven languages!" "Oh, excuse me. But, if the bird was so smart, why didn't it say something when I put it in the oven?" Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

The Meaning of Service At one time in my life, I thought I had a handle on the meaning of the word "service." "It's the act of doing things for other people." Then I heard these terms which reference the word service: Internal Revenue Service Postal Service Telephone Service Civil Service City & County Public Service Customer Service Service Stations Then I became confused about the word "service." This is not what I thought "service" meant. So today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to "service" a few of his cows. Suddenly, it all came into perspective. Now I understand what all those "service" agencies are all about. I hope you now are as enlightened as I am. Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

Weekday News and Features Digest Get the most popular news of the day, comic strips, and more every weekday in the News and Features Digest. Subscribers can look forward to the best of the ArcaMax line-up -- featured movie reviews, breaking news, recipes, featured interactive games, and more. Subscribe to the News and Features Digest instantly. Sincerely, ArcaMax Editors

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BOOK DETAILS

The Postman

By  David Brin Publisher  Bantam Spectra
ISBN  9780553278743
Published in  Science Fiction & Fantasy/Science Fiction, Literature & Fiction
eBook  Kindle Edition

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Book Description

This is the story of a lie that became the most powerful kind of truth. A timeless novel as urgently compelling as War Day or Alas, Babylon, David Brin's The Postman is the dramatically moving saga of a man who rekindled the spirit of America through the power of a dream, from a modern master of science fiction.
He was a survivor - a wanderer who traded tales for food and shelter in the dark and savage aftermath of a devastating war. Fate touches him one chill winter's day when he borrows the jacket of a long-dead postal worker to protect himself from the cold. The old, worn uniform still has power as a symbol of hope, and with it he begins to weave his greatest tale, of a nation on the road to recovery.
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Sample Chapter

Gordon's smile was bitterly thin as he sat up carefully, backing along his rocky perch until he felt sure he was out of view of the slope below.  He plucked his travel belt free of twigs and drew the half-full canteen for a long, desperately needed drink.

Bless you, paranoia, he thought.  Not once since the Doomwar had he ever allowed the belt more than three feet from his side.  It was the only thing he had been able to grab before diving into the brambles.

The dark gray metal of his .38 revolver shone even under a fine layer of dust, as he drew it from its holster.  Gordon blew on the snub-nosed weapon and carefully checked its action.  Soft clicking testified in understated eloquence to the craftsmanship and deadly precision of another age.  Even in killing, the old world had made well.

Especially in the art of killing, Gordon reminded himself.  Raucous laughter carried up from the slope below.

Normally he traveled with only four rounds loaded.  Now he pulled two more precious cartridges from a belt pouch and filled the empty chambers under and behind the hammer.  "Firearm safety" was no longer a major consideration, especially since he expected to die this evening anyway.

Sixteen years chasing a dream, Gordon thought.  First that long, futile struggle against the collapse . . . then scratching to survive through the Three-Year Winter . . . and finally more than a decade of moving from place to place, dodging pestilence and hunger, fighting goddamned Holnists and packs of wild dogs . . . half a lifetime spent as a wandering dark age minstrel, play-acting for meals in order to make it one day more while I searched for . . .

. . . for someplace . . .

Gordon shook his head.  He knew his own dreams quite well.  They were a fool's fantasies, and had no place in the present world.

. . . for someplace where someone was taking responsibility . . .

He pushed the thought aside.  Whatever he had been looking for, his long seeking seemed to have ended here, in the dry, cold mountains of what had once been eastern Oregon.

From the sounds below he could tell that the bandits were packing up, getting ready to move off with their plunder.  Thick patches of desiccated creeper blocked Gordon's view downslope through the ponderosa pines, but soon a burly man in a faded plaid hunting coat appeared from the direction of his campsite, moving northeast on a trail leading down the mountainside.

The man's clothing confirmed what Gordon remembered from those blurred seconds of the attack.  At least his assailants weren't wearing army surplus camouflage . . . the trademark of Holn survivalists.

They must be just regular, run of the mill, may-they please-roast-in-Hell bandits.

If so, then there was a sliver of a chance the plan glimmering in his mind just might accomplish something.

Perhaps.

The first bandit had Gordon's all-weather jacket tied around his waist.  In his right arm he cradled the pump shot gun Gordon had carried all the way from Montana.  "Come on!" the bearded robber yelled back up the trail.  "That's enough gloating.  Get that stuff together and move it!" 

The leader, Gordon decided.

Another man, smaller and more shabby, hurried into view carrying a cloth sack and a battered rifle.  "Boy, what a haul!  We oughta celebrate.  When we bring this stuff back, can we have all the 'shine we want, Jas?"  The small robber hopped like an excited bird.  "Boy, Sheba an' the girls'll bust when they hear about that lil' rabbit we drove off into the briar patch.  I never seen anything run so fast!"  He giggled.

Gordon frowned at the insult added to injury.  It was the same nearly everywhere he had been--a postholocaust callousness to which he'd never grown accustomed, even after all this time.  With only one eye peering through the scrub grass rimming his cleft, he took a deep breath and shouted.

"I wouldn't count on getting drunk yet, Brer Bear!"  adrenaline turned his voice more shrill than he wanted, but that couldn't be helped.

The big man dropped awkwardly to the ground, scrambling for cover behind a nearby tree.  The skinny robber though, gawked up at the hillside.

"What . . . ?  Who's up there?"

Gordon felt a small wash of relief.  Their behavior confirmed that the sons of bitches weren't true survivalists.  Certainly not Holnists.  If they had been, he'd probably be dead by now.

The other bandits--Gordon counted a total of five--hurried down the trail carrying their booty.  "Get down!"  their leader commanded from his hiding place.  Scrawny seemed to wake up to his exposed position and hurried to join his comrades behind the undergrowth.

All except one robber--a sallow-faced man with salt-and-pepper sideburns, wearing an alpine hat.  Instead of hiding he moved forward a little, chewing a pine needle and casually eyeing the thicket.

"Why bother?"  he asked calmly.  "That poor fellow had on barely more than his skivvies, when we pounced him.  We've got his shotgun.  Let's find out what he wants."

Gordon kept his head down.  But he couldn't help noticing the man's lazy, affected drawl.  He was the only one who was clean shaven, and even from here Gordon could tell that his clothes were cleaner, more meticulously tended.

At a muttered growl from his leader, the casual bandit shrugged and sauntered over behind a forked pine.  Barely hidden, he called up the hillside.  "Are you there, Mister Rabbit?  If so, I am so sorry you didn't stay to invite us to tea.  Still, aware how Jas and Little Wally tend to treat visitors, I suppose I cannot blame you for cutting out."

Gordon couldn't believe he was trading banter with this twit.  "That's what I figured at the time," he called.  "Thanks for understanding my lack of hospitality.  By the way, with whom am I speaking?"

The tall fellow smiled broadly.  "With whom . . . ?  Ah, a grammarian!  What joy.  It's been so long since I've heard an educated voice."  He doffed the alpine hat and bowed.  "I am Roger Everett Septien, at one time a member of the Pacific Stock Exchange, and presently your robber.  As for my colleagues . . ."

The bushes rustled.  Septien listened, and finally shrugged.  "Alas," he called to Gordon.  "Normally I'd tempted by a chance for some real conversation; I'm sure you're as starved for it as I.  Unfortunately, the leader of our small brotherhood of cutthroats insists that I find out what you want and get this over with.

"So speak your piece, Mister Rabbit.  We are all ears."

Gordon shook his head.  The fellow obviously classed himself a wit, but his humor was fourth-rate, even by post-war standards.  "I notice you fellows aren't carrying all of my gear.  You wouldn't by some chance have decided to take only what you needed, and left enough for me to survive, would you?"

From the scrub below came a high giggle, then more hoarse chuckles as others joined in.  Roger Septien looked left and right and lifted his hands.  His exaggerated sigh seemed to say that he at least, appreciated the irony in Gordon's question.

"Alas," he repeated.  "I recall mentioning that possibility to my compatriots.  For instance, our women might find some use for your aluminum tent poles and pack frame, but I suggested we leave the nylon bag and tent, which are useless to us.

"Um, in a sense we have done this.  However, I don't think that Wally's . . . er, alterations will meet your approval."

Again, that shrieking giggle rose from the bushes.  Gordon sagged a little.

"What about my boots?  You all seem well enough shod.  Do they fit any of you, anyway?  Could you leave them?  And my jacket and gloves?"

Septien coughed.  "Ah, yes.  They're the main items, aren't they?  Other than the shotgun, of course, which is nonnegotiable."

Gordon spat.  Of course, idiot.  Only a blowhard states the obvious.

Again, the voice of the bandit leader could be heard, muffled by the foliage.  Again there were giggles.  With a pained expression, the ex-stockbroker sighed.  "My leader asks what you offer in trade.  Of course I know you have nothing.  Still, I must inquire."

As a matter of fact, Gordon had a few things they might want--his belt compass for instance, and a Swiss army knife.

But what were his chances of arranging an exchange and getting out alive?  It didn't take telepathy to tell that these bastards were only toying with their victim.

A fuming anger filled him, especially over Septien's false show of compassion.  He had witnessed this combination of cruel contempt and civilized manners in other once-educated people, over the years since the Collapse.  By his lights, people like this were far more contemptible than those who had simply succumbed to the barbaric times.

"Look," he shouted.  "You don't need those damn boots!  You've no real need for my jacket or my toothbrush or my notebook, either.  This area's clean, so what do you need my Geiger counter for?  I'm not stupid enough to think I can have my shotgun back, but without some of those other things I'll die, damn you!"

The echo of his curse seemed to pour down the long slope of the mountainside, leaving a hanging silence in wake.  Then the bushes rustled and the big bandit leader stood up.  Spitting contemptuously upslope, he snapped fingers at the others.  "Now I know he's got no gun," he told them.  His thick eyebrows narrowed and he gestured in Gordon's general direction.

"Run away, little rabbit.  Run, or we'll skin you and have you for supper!"  He hefted Gordon's shotgun, turned his back, and sauntered casually down the trail.  The others in behind, laughing.

Roger Septien gave the mountainside an ironic shrug and a smile, then gathered up his share of the loot and followed his compatriots.  They disappeared around a bend in the narrow forest path, but for minutes afterward Gordon heard the softly diminishing sound of someone happily whistling.

You imbecile!  Weak as his chances had been, he had spoiled them completely by appealing to reason and charity.  In an era of tooth and claw, nobody ever did that except out of impotence.  The bandits' uncertainty had evaporated just as soon as he foolishly asked for fair play.

Of course he could have fired his .38, wasting a precious bullet to prove he wasn't completely harmless.  That would have forced them to take him seriously again....

Read more at http://www.bookdaily.com/book/167998#ogpHFuMJO0EuBUeT.99

Κάτι επίκαιρο…….. από τον ΣΟΥΡΗ (1853-1919)-Κ Α Τ Α Ρ Γ Η Σ Ι Σ

Επειδή καιρούς το Έθνος δυστυχίας διατρέχει,
επειδή ελπίς καμία δεν υπάρχει κατ’ αυτάς,
επειδή και το Ταμείον εις δαπάνας δεν αντέχει
καταργούμεν τας πρεσβείας και αυτούς τους πρεσβευτάς.
Διατάσσομεν αμέσως εις Αθήνας να’ λθουν όλοι,
και αφήνομεν μονάχα τον εν Κωνσταντινοπόλει.
Επειδή ο κόσμος όλος από φόρους εφορτώθη,
επειδή δεν τους σηκώνει και η ράχη των Ελλήνων,
επειδή και ο Τρικούπης κι η πατρίς εχαντακώθη
με τους φόρους των ελαίων, των τσιγάρων και των οίνων,
κι επειδή εφυγαδεύθη εκ της τσέπης μας το χρήμα,
καταργούμεν τους εμμέσους και αμέσους παραχρήμα.
Επειδή στας θέσεις όλας απαιτούνται και προσόντα,
καταργούμεν και τας θέσεις τας μικράς και ανωτέρας,
και προστάζομεν καθέναν βουλευτήν αποτυχόντα,
να εργάζεται δι’ όλης της νυκτός και της ημέρας,
δίχως καν λεπτό να παίρνει … καταργούμε δε προσέτι
και το δίκαιον ακόμη και το … άδικον ρουσφέτι.
Καταργούμεν Εφορίας, καταργούμεν Τελωνεία
καταργούμεν και Νομάρχας, καταργούμεν κι αστυνόμους,
καταργούμεν προς τοις άλλοις κάθε μια συγκοινωνία,
καταργούμεν τους στενούς μας και πλατείς σιδηροδρόμους,
καταργούμεν βουλεβάρτα, καταργούμεν και πλατείας
καταργούμεν και τας τόσας περιττάς δενδροφυτείας.
Καταργούμεν και τους Δήμους, καταργούμεν κι Επαρχεία,
καταργούμεν τα μεγάλα και μικρά ουροδοχεία,
και δημόσια προς τούτοις καταστήματα του Κράτους,
καταργούμεν και καμπόσους, δημοσίους αποπάτους.
Καταργούμεν τους συμβούλους, καταργούμεν τους Πρυτάνεις,
καταργούμεν κάθε είδος και διάταγμα δαπάνης.
Καταργούμεν τας μεγάλας και μικράς διοργανώσεις,
καταργούμεν τους στρατούς μας, καταργούμεν και τους στόλους,
καταργούμεν τας εκτάκτους των παρασκευών πιστώσεις,
και τους Γάλλους τους στρατάρχας και τους ιδικούς μας όλους.
Καταργούμεν ατμοβάρεις, καταργούμεν ναυαρχίδας,
καταργούμεν τας Παράλους και τας ατμοτελωνίδας.
Καταργούμεν τας δυνάμεις της ξηράς και της θαλάσσης,
καταργούμεν τας εντόκους και ατόκους πληρωμάς,
καταργούμεν τα ταμεία της Ελλάδος μας συμπάσης,
καταργούμεν δε και όλας τας εδώ οικοδομάς,
κι επιτρέπομεν μονάχα εις το Κράτος ένα σπίτι,
το λαμπρόν φρενοκομείον του Ζωρζή Δρομοκαΐτη.

ΒΡΑΔΥΝΑ ΑΝΕΚΔΟΤΑ 14/12/2012

Late Night Funny #1 The International Olympic Committee has stripped India of its right to participate in the games. In response, India said, ‘Fine, just try logging on to your computers now.’ Conan O'Brien Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

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Late Night Funny #2 According to The Associated Press, China will soon overtake the United States as the world’s number one global trader. Which is actually good news for most Americans. Didn’t you think China overtook us already? Jay Leno Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

Late Night Funny #3 The Pentagon is preparing for massive budget cuts in the event that the country does go over the fiscal cliff. You can tell the Pentagon is scaling back because today it became the ‘Triangle.’ Jimmy Fallon Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

Late Night Funny #4 According to a new study at UCLA, Latinos live longer than non-Latinos. More bad news for Republicans. Jay Leno

ΒΡΑΔΥΝΑ ΑΝΕΚΔΟΤΑ 13/12/2012

Late Night Funny #1 The governor of Arizona punched a reporter who asked her about global warming. Afterwards she apologized. She said, 'Sorry, I'm a little touchy because it's almost Christmas and it's 135 degrees outside. Conan O'Brien Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

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Late Night Funny #2 Because of climate change, "Frosty the Snowman" has a new name. Now he's called 'Frosty the Puddle. David Letterman Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

Late Night Funny #3 House Speaker John Boehner says that his efforts to work with President Obama on the fiscal cliff have resulted in a lot of talk but 'no action.' Yeah, a lot of talk but no action – or as I called that in college, 'a date.' Jimmy Fallon Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

Late Night Funny #4 rnold Schwarzenegger has committed to appearing in at least one new "Terminator" movie. In the next movie, Arnold from the future will time travel to the past and tell Arnold from the past to wear a condom. Craig Ferguson Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

Weekday News and Features Digest Get the most popular news of the day, comic strips, and more every weekday in the News and Features Digest. Subscribers can look forward to the best of the ArcaMax line-up -- featured movie reviews, breaking news, recipes, featured interactive games, and more. Subscribe to the News and Features Digest instantly. Sincerely, ArcaMax Editors

ΑΝΕΚΔΟΤΑ 14/12/2012

Please Come Out and Give Yourself Up Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up." Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

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Simple Operation A man was wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the hospital in his wheelchair, just before his operation. A nurse stopped him and asked, "What's the matter?" He said, "I heard the nurse say, 'It's a very simple operation, don't worry, I'm sure it will be all right.'" "She was just trying to comfort you, what's so frightening about that?" "She wasn't talking to me. She was talking to the doctor!" Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

Free Drinks The bartender asks the guy sitting at the bar, "What'll you have?" The guy answers, "A scotch, please." The bartender hands him the drink, and says "That'll be five dollars," to which the guy replies, "What are you talking about? I don't owe you anything for this." A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to the bartender, "You know, he's got you there. In the original offer, which constitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration." The bartender was not impressed, but says to the guy, "Okay, you beat me for a drink. But don't ever let me catch you in here again." The next day, same guy walks into the bar. Bartender says, "What the heck are you doing in here? I can't believe you've got the audacity to come back!" The guy says, "What are you talking about? I've never been in this place in my life!" The bartender replies, "I'm very sorry, but this is uncanny. You must have a double." To which the guy replies, "Thank you. Make it a scotch." Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

Donkey Raffle A Cajun named Jean Paul moved to Texas and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day the farmer rove up and said, "Sorry, but I got some bad news. The donkey died." "Well then, just give me my money back." "Cain't do that. I went and spent it already." "OK then, just unload the donkey." "What ya gonna do with em." "I'm gonna raffle him off." "Ya cain't raffle off a dead donkey!" "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anyone he's dead." A month later the farmer met up with the Cajun and asked, "What happened with the dead donkey?" "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at $2.00 apiece and made a profit of $898.00." "Didn't no one complain?" "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his $2.00 back." Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

Weekday News and Features Digest Get the most popular news of the day, comic strips, and more every weekday in the News and Features Digest. Subscribers can look forward to the best of the ArcaMax line-up -- featured movie reviews, breaking news, recipes, featured interactive games, and more. Subscribe to the News and Features Digest instantly. Sincerely, ArcaMax Editors

ΑΝΕΚΔΟΤΑ 13/12/12

Expressions Explained

Dec 11, 2012

In George Washington's days, there were no cameras. One's image was either sculpted or painted. Some paintings of George Washington showed him standing behind a desk with one arm behind his back while others showed both legs and both arms.

Prices charged by painters were not based on how many people were to be painted, but by how many limbs were to be painted. Arms and legs are "limbs," therefore painting them would cost the buyer more.

Hence the expression, "Okay, but it'll cost you an arm and a leg."

http://www.arcamax.com/cgi-bin/news/story/1009/37911/207814 for part I.

Ladies wore corsets, which would lace up in the front. A proper and dignified woman, as in "straight laced," wore a tightly tied lace.

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Common entertainment included playing cards. However, there was a tax levied when purchasing playing cards but only applicable to the "Ace of Spades." To avoid paying the tax, people would purchase 51 cards instead.

Yet, since most games require 52 cards, these people were thought to be stupid or dumb because they weren't "playing with a full deck."

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Early politicians required feedback from the public to determine what the people considered important. Since there were no telephones, TV's or radios the politicians sent their assistants to local taverns, pubs, and bars. They were told to "go sip some ale" and listen to people's conversations and political concerns. Many assistants were dispatched at different times. You go sip here" and "You go sip there." The two words "go sip" were eventually combined when referring to the local opinion and, thus we have the term "gossip."

Silent Treatment

Mike and Joan were having some problems at home and were giving each other the "silent treatment." But then Mike realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 am for an early morning drive with some pals to go golfing.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and so lose the 'war'), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00am."

The next morning, Mike woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 am and that his friends had left for the golf course without him. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't awakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

The paper said, "It's 5:00 am. Wake up."

Men simply are not equipped for these kinds of contests

Animal Crackers

A mother and her young son returned from the grocery store and began putting away the groceries.

The boy opened the box of animal crackers and spread them all over the table.

"What are you doing," his mother asked?

"The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken," the boy explained. "I'm looking for the seal."

Φραγκουδάκη

Βρέθηκα πριν απο κάποια χρόνια σε μια τριημερίδα, για διάφορα πολιτισμικά οικονομικά και οικολογκά ζητήματα. Οχι προβλήματα. Η μία απο τις 3 ημέρες ήταν αφιερωμένη στον πολιτισμό. Γενικώς και αορίστως. Προσκεκλημένες ήταν κάποιες κυρίες της συμφοράς. Η πρώτη ανέφερε την ιστορία της ζωής της, και η κ. Φραγκουδάκη έκανε μια διάλεξη, που με άφησε άναυδη. Ούτε λίγο ούτε πολύ είπε ότι οι Έλληνες ειναι ένας λαός κομπλεξικός (sic), ανίκανος να αναγνωρίσει τον μεγάλο πολιτισμό της Οθωμανικής Αυτοκρατορίας, με τους μεγάλους μαθηματικούς.
Επί 10 λεπτά και παραπάνω έβριζε τους Ελληνες και τον απανταχού Ελληνισμό και εξήρε τις αρετές των Τούρκων.

Δεν πρόλαβα να πω ότι μπερδεύει τον αραβικό πολιτισμό με τον μη πολιτισμό των Τούρκων που δεν άφησαν τίποτε όρθιο, όσο καιρό βρέθηκαν στο πιο πολιτισμένο μέρος της υφηλίου.
Οι υπόλοιποι υψηλοί συνδαιτυμόνες εσίγησαν, σιγή ντροπής και αίσχους.
12 Δεκεμβρίου 2012 5:44 μ.μ.