| Jokes by ArcaMax, sponsored today by: |
Natural Cancer Cure: A Million Times Stronger Than Chemo and No Side Effects?
Click here to discover the North American fruit tree extract proven in a National Cancer Institute-funded experiment to be a million times more powerful than chemotherapy, with no harmful side effects. Discover the single best source of "underground" health breakthroughs that most people will never know. |
Editor's Note: You receive Late Night Jokes because you are subscribed to the Jokes ezine. This PM edition is sent Monday through Friday.
Click here to stop receiving the evening edition. |
Late Night Funny #1
As you know, the Mayans said the world will end tomorrow, and like everybody else, they blame Bush.
Jay Leno |
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Late Night Funny #2
Even with the apocalypse there is always something good. There’s always a silver lining. For example, The Mayan apocalypse will put an end to those commercials where a crazy lady talks to strangers about her colon.
David Letterman |
Late Night Funny #3
There’s a photo going around with President Obama playing with a staffer’s son who’s dressed as Spider-Man. Obama was like, ‘Shouldn’t you be fighting the Green Goblin?’ And the kid was like, ‘shouldn’t you be working on the fiscal cliff?’
Jimmy Fallon |
Late Night Funny #4
I’m sure the new movies are good, but I’m upset there are no real Christmas movies. Like ‘It’s a Wonderful Life,’ where Jimmy Stewart finds himself in a world where no one can see him. It’s like nobody’s aware of his existence. I know that feeling.
Craig Ferguson |
Mobile Comics Apps
Enjoy your favorite comics like Zits, Baby Blues, BC, Wizard of Id, Dennis the Menace -- and many more -- from your mobile devices.
The Funnies app's newest version includes much easier navigation and several more comics. The App now costs $0.99 (lifetime). For Droid users, go to https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.arcamax.funnies For the IPhone app, go to https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/funnies/id578259615?ls=1 Each app includes more than 75 of the ArcaMax cartoon lineup. With this app, you can mark your Favorites and view them daily without having to browse through the whole list. Enjoy! -- From the ArcaMax editors |
Προσωπικο ημερολόγιο μαζί με διάφορες σκέψεις
Σάββατο 12 Ιανουαρίου 2013
ΒΡΑΔΥΝΑ ΑΝΕΚΔΟΤΑ 9/1/2013
Τετάρτη 9 Ιανουαρίου 2013
ΒΡΑΔΥΝΑ ΑΝΕΚΔΟΤΑ 7/1/2012
Late Night Funny #1
In what’s being called a stunning literary find, a Danish historian has discovered the last remaining, unpublished fairy tale from Hans Christian Andersen. It’s called ‘Congress Solves the Fiscal Cliff’.
Jay Leno |
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Late Night Funny #2
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton collapsed, passed out, banged her head, got a concussion. She is listed as questionable for Sunday’s game against the Ravens.
David Letterman |
Late Night Funny #3
It’s rumored that John Boehner and President Obama are considering a partial deal to avoid the fiscal cliff at the end of the year. Yeah, it’s RUMORED that a PARTIAL deal is being CONSIDERED — or to put that in layman’s terms: We’re going off this cliff.
Jimmy Fallon |
Late Night Funny #4
Police are now looking for a man who robbed a bank wearing a Mitt Romney mask. He robbed the bank, fled the area, and then stashed the money somewhere in the Cayman Islands.
Jay Leno |
Free Classic Comics from ArcaMax
Start your morning with a laugh -- get free classic comics like Garfield and Peanuts delivered directly to you by e-mail every day from ArcaMax Comics.
ArcaMax has dozens of comics to choose from, all free to read on the website as well as by e-mail. Subscribe to Garfield instantly. Subscribe to Peanuts instantly. Check out all of ArcaMax's comics. -- From the ArcaMax editors |
ΑΝΕΚΔΟΤΑ 9/1/2013
| Jokes by ArcaMax, sponsored today by: | |||
Natural Cancer Cure: A Million Times Stronger Than Chemo and No Side Effects?
Click here to discover the North American fruit tree extract proven in a National Cancer Institute-funded experiment to be a million times more powerful than chemotherapy, with no harmful side effects. Discover the single best source of "underground" health breakthroughs that most people will never know. | |||
CIA Job
A college graduate applied for a job at the Central Intelligence Agency. Together with several other applicants, he was given a sealed envelope and told to take it to the fourth floor.
As soon as the young man was alone, he stepped into an empty hallway and opened the packet. Inside, a message read: "You're our kind of person. Report to the fifth floor." | |||
Sponsor
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All you have to do is share your opinion and you'll be entered to win the legendary car. Or choose to walk away with $50,000 cash! Click to get started! | |||
Threatening Letters
The fellow stormed into the postmaster's office in a fury. "I've been getting threatening letters in the mail for months and I want them stopped."
"Of course," said the postmaster. "Sending threatening letters through the mail is a federal offense. Do you know who's sending them?" "Yes," shouted the man. "It's those idiots down at the Internal Revenue Service." | |||
Elderly Women
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car. Both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light."
After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and the light was red again and again they went right though. This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next intersection to see what was going on. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through and she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row! You could have killed us!" Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, am I driving?" | |||
Please Come Out and Give Yourself Up
Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up."
| |||
Mobile Comics Apps
Enjoy your favorite comics like Zits, Baby Blues, BC, Wizard of Id, Dennis the Menace -- and many more -- from your mobile devices.
The Funnies app's newest version includes much easier navigation and several more comics. The App now costs $1.99 (lifetime). For Droid users, go to https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.arcamax.funnies For the IPhone app, go to https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/funnies/id578259615?ls=1 Each app includes more than 75 of the ArcaMax cartoon lineup. With this app, you can mark your Favorites and view them daily without having to browse through the whole list. Enjoy! -- From the ArcaMax editors | |||
ΒΡΑΔΥΝΑ ΑΝΕΚΔΟΤΑ 8/1/2012
Late Night Funny #1
This week Congress approved some version of the fiscal tax bill, which raises taxes on rich Americans. President Obama was determined to do this right away – while there are still some rich Americans left.
Jay Leno | |||
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Late Night Funny #2
Al-Jazeera has some fabulous programming lined up. They've got a new show called 'Storage Jihad.' They have 'Project Burka.' And a show called 'Real Virgins of Fallujah.'
David Letterman | |||
Late Night Funny #3
Today the Senate swore in a record 20 female senators. Yep, the women said they’re very excited, and look forward to proving they can accomplish just as little as male senators.
Jimmy Fallon | |||
Late Night Funny #4
President Obama signed the new fiscal cliff tax increase into law while vacationing in Hawaii today. He used an autopen, an electronic way of signing your name when you're not even there. Politicians can now raise your taxes while they're on vacation in Hawaii. This is a Democrat's dream come true.
Jay Leno | |||
New in 2013? Habits, Not Resolutions
How are the 2013 New Year's resolutions coming?
Here's a fitness article we found interesting about making habits in the new year, not necessarily resolutions. And here's an article that offers one fitness tip a week for 2013! We hope you enjoy! -From the ArcaMax editors | |||
ΑΝΕΚΔΟΤΑ 8/1/2013
Stansberry Research
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Feeding the Baby
A first-time father was taking a turn at feeding the baby some strained peas. Naturally, there were traces of the food everywhere, especially on the infant.
His wife comes in, looks at the infant, then at her husband staring into space, then says, "What in the world are you doing?" He replied, "I'm waiting for the first coat to dry, so I can put on another." |
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Little Bobby
Little Bobby was spending the weekend with his grandmother after a particularly trying week in kindergarten. His grandmother decided to take him to the park on Saturday morning. It had been snowing all night and everything was beautiful.
His grandmother remarked..."doesn't it look like an artist painted this scenery? Did you know God painted this just for you?" Bobby said, "Yes, God did it and he did it left handed." This confused his grandmother a bit, and she asked him, "What makes you say God did this with his left hand?" Well," said Bobby, "we learned at Sunday School last week that Jesus sits on God's right hand!" |
Insufficient Funds
A young college co-ed came running in tears to her father. "Dad, you gave me some terrible financial advice!"
"I did? What did I tell you?" said the dad. "You told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that big bank is in trouble." "What are you talking about? That's one of the largest banks in the state," he said. "there must be some mistake." "I don't think so," she sniffed. "They just returned one of my checks with a note saying, 'Insufficient Funds'." |
Bumper Stickers
WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore. So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. All men are idiots....I married their king. IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got. Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now. Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs. Out of my mind...Back in five minutes. I took an IQ test and the results were negative. |
New in 2013? Habits, Not Resolutions
How are the 2013 New Year's resolutions coming?
Here's a fitness article we found interesting about making habits in the new year, not necessarily resolutions. And here's an article that offers one fitness tip a week for 2013! We hope you enjoy! -From the ArcaMax editors |
ΚΡΙΤΙΚΗ ΓΙΑ ΔΙΑΣΤΡΕΒΛΩΣΗ ΣΥΝΤΑΓΜΑΤΟΣ
Ιανουαρίου 9, 2013 στις 9:19 πμ
Έλεγξα τα γραφόμενα καί βεβαίως βρήκα λάθη:
Άρθρο: 28 Παράγραφος 2
Με πλειοψηφία 151 βουλευτών γίνεται περιορισμός της εθνικής κυριαρχίας.
Λάθος. Γράφει τα τρία πέμπτα δηλαδή 180
Άρθρο: 28 Παράγραφος 3.
Απαγορεύεται πρόταση νόμων από τους πολίτες που δεν είναι Βουλευτές ήμέλη της κυβέρνησης.
Ασχετο. Το άρθρο αναφέρεται σε άλλο θέμα
Άρθρο 22. Παράγραφος 5.
Η κάθε κυβέρνηση μπορεί να αλλάξει όπως θέλει τον εκλογικό νόμο.
Ασχετο. Το άρθρο αναφέρεται σε άλλο θέμα
Η παρουσίαση των άρθων που κάνει ο αρθρογράφος, είνα ύποπτη και μεροληπτική
πχ
Άρθρο: 110 Παράγραφος 2.
Η αστυνομία μπορεί να απαγορεύσει τις δημόσιες υπαίθριες συναθροίσεις.
Τι γράφει το Σύνταγμα:
Οι υπαίθριες συναθροίσεις μπορούν να απαγορευτούν με αιτιολογημένη απόφαση της αστυνομικής αρχής, γενικά, αν εξ αιτίας του επίκειται σοβαρός κίνδυνος για τη δημόσια ασφάλεια, σε ορισμένη δε περιοχή, αν απειλείται σοβαρή διατάραξη της κοινωνικοοικονομικής ζωής, όπως νόμος ορίζει.
Εκεί σταμάτησα να διαβάζω και να ελέγχω τα γραφόμενα.
Εξ αυτών εξάγεται το ασφαλές συμπέρασμα, ότι ο αρθρογράφος διαστρεβλώνει και ερμηνεύει τα άρθρα του Συντάγματος κατά το δοκούν, με σκοπό να διασπείρει ψευδείς πληροφορίες και να δημιουργήσει λάθος εντυπώσεις για τους δικούς του σκοπούς. Δυστυχώς για εσάς κύριε, γνωρίζουμε γραφή και ανάγνωση και μπορούμε να διαβάσουμε οι ίδιοι και να καταλάβουμε το Σύνταγμα της Ελλλάδος, που βρίσκεται δημοσιευμένο στο διαδίκτυο.
Ντροπή σας, αυτό λέω μόνο…
Έλεγξα τα γραφόμενα καί βεβαίως βρήκα λάθη:
Άρθρο: 28 Παράγραφος 2
Με πλειοψηφία 151 βουλευτών γίνεται περιορισμός της εθνικής κυριαρχίας.
Λάθος. Γράφει τα τρία πέμπτα δηλαδή 180
Άρθρο: 28 Παράγραφος 3.
Απαγορεύεται πρόταση νόμων από τους πολίτες που δεν είναι Βουλευτές ήμέλη της κυβέρνησης.
Ασχετο. Το άρθρο αναφέρεται σε άλλο θέμα
Άρθρο 22. Παράγραφος 5.
Η κάθε κυβέρνηση μπορεί να αλλάξει όπως θέλει τον εκλογικό νόμο.
Ασχετο. Το άρθρο αναφέρεται σε άλλο θέμα
Η παρουσίαση των άρθων που κάνει ο αρθρογράφος, είνα ύποπτη και μεροληπτική
πχ
Άρθρο: 110 Παράγραφος 2.
Η αστυνομία μπορεί να απαγορεύσει τις δημόσιες υπαίθριες συναθροίσεις.
Τι γράφει το Σύνταγμα:
Οι υπαίθριες συναθροίσεις μπορούν να απαγορευτούν με αιτιολογημένη απόφαση της αστυνομικής αρχής, γενικά, αν εξ αιτίας του επίκειται σοβαρός κίνδυνος για τη δημόσια ασφάλεια, σε ορισμένη δε περιοχή, αν απειλείται σοβαρή διατάραξη της κοινωνικοοικονομικής ζωής, όπως νόμος ορίζει.
Εκεί σταμάτησα να διαβάζω και να ελέγχω τα γραφόμενα.
Εξ αυτών εξάγεται το ασφαλές συμπέρασμα, ότι ο αρθρογράφος διαστρεβλώνει και ερμηνεύει τα άρθρα του Συντάγματος κατά το δοκούν, με σκοπό να διασπείρει ψευδείς πληροφορίες και να δημιουργήσει λάθος εντυπώσεις για τους δικούς του σκοπούς. Δυστυχώς για εσάς κύριε, γνωρίζουμε γραφή και ανάγνωση και μπορούμε να διαβάσουμε οι ίδιοι και να καταλάβουμε το Σύνταγμα της Ελλλάδος, που βρίσκεται δημοσιευμένο στο διαδίκτυο.
Ντροπή σας, αυτό λέω μόνο…
Δευτέρα 7 Ιανουαρίου 2013
ΑΝΕΚΔΟΤΑ 2/1/2013
|
ΒΡΑΔΥΝΑ ΑΝΕΚΔΟΤΑ 2/1/2013
| Jokes by ArcaMax, sponsored today by: |
(January 2, 2013) - Do not pay your car insurance bill... until you read this.
Out of all 246 auto insurers, we found these important "hidden" discounts. * After reporting on the hidden discounts, 789,000 drivers used this one tip to get extreme insurance discounts. * Recently reported: if you're just with "any" auto insurer, you may be overpaying by $793 a year. Click here -- to see the insurance discounts you'll get. |
Editor's Note: You receive Late Night Jokes because you are subscribed to the Jokes ezine. This PM edition is sent Monday through Friday.
Click here to stop receiving the evening edition. |
Late Night Funny #1
My mother wanted me to be a lawyer and I wanted to be an Actor. So I went to school, majored in theatre, and said 'Mom, I have to choose my own destiny. I want to be an actor.' A couple of weeks after I graduated college I called my mother up and said 'Can I borrow $200?' and she said 'Why don't you act like you've got $200.
A Classic Arsenio Hall Late Night Quote |
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Late Night Funny #2
It may not be a big deal to you and me, ... but this is the first thing Bill Clinton has had to be excited about since he got elected.
A Classic Arsenio Hall Late Night Quote |
Late Night Funny #3
I don't possess a lot of self-confidence. I'm an actor so I simply act confident every time I hit the stage.
A Classic Arsenio Hall Late Night Quote |
Late Night Funny #4
I am consumed with the fear of failing. Reaching deep down and finding confidence has made all my dreams come true.
A Classic Arsenio Hall Late Night Quote |
Weekday News and Features Digest
Get the most popular news of the day, comic strips, and more every weekday in the News and Features Digest.
Subscribers can look forward to the best of the ArcaMax line-up -- featured movie reviews, breaking news, recipes, featured interactive games, and more. Subscribe to the News and Features Digest instantly. |
ΑΝΕΚΔΟΤΑ 3/1/2013
| Jokes by ArcaMax, sponsored today by: |
Over 50? You Probably Have Clogged Arteries... But They Don't Have to Stay That Way!
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Contact Lens
The teenager lost a contact lens while playing basketball in his driveway. After a fruitless search, he told his mother the lens was nowhere to be found.
Undaunted, she went outside and in a few minutes, returned with the lens in her hand. "How did you manage to find it, Mom?" the teenager asked. "We weren't looking for the same thing," she replied. "You were looking for a small piece of plastic. I was looking for $150." |
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Cynical Meanings
Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool on the other.
Divorce: Future tense of marriage. Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either." Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present. Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece. Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power... Dictionary: A place where success comes before work. Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on. Classic: A book which people praise, but do not read. Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight. Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life. Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth. |
Nerd Overpopulation
This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar he sees a big sign on the door saying "Nerds Not Allowed - Enter At Your Own Risk!" He goes in and sits down.
The bartender comes over to him, sniffs, says, "You smell kind of nerdy. What do you do for a living?" The truck driver says, "I drive a truck, and the smell is just from the computers I am hauling." The bartender says, "Okay, truck drivers are not nerds." and serves him a beer. As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in with tape around his glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt at least a foot too long. The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away. The truck driver said, totally shocked, "Why did you do that?" The bartender said, "Not to worry, the nerds are overpopulating Silicon Valley and are in season now. You don't even need a license." The truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, and heads back onto the freeway. Suddenly he veers to avoid an accident, and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over the freeway. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, grabbing up the computers. They are all engineers, accountants and programmers wearing the nerdiest clothes he has ever seen. He can't let them steal his whole load. So, remembering what happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, felling several of them instantly. A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop. The truck driver said, "What's wrong? I thought nerds were in season." "Well, sure," said the patrolman. "But you can't bait 'em." |
Knock Knock! Who's There?
Zany.
Zany who? Zany body home? |
Mobile Comics Apps
Enjoy your favorite comics like Zits, Baby Blues, BC, Wizard of Id, Dennis the Menace -- and many more -- from your mobile devices.
The Funnies app's newest version was released last week and includes much easier navigation. The App now costs $1.99 (lifetime). For Droid users, go to https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.arcamax.funnies For the IPhone app, go to https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/funnies/id578259615?ls=1 Each app includes more than 75 of the ArcaMax cartoon lineup. With this app, you can mark your Favorites and view them daily without having to browse through the whole list. Enjoy! -- From the ArcaMax editors |
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