 |  |
|
Προσωπικο ημερολόγιο μαζί με διάφορες σκέψεις
Τρίτη 22 Ιανουαρίου 2013
ΒΡΑΔΥΝΑ ΑΝΕΚΔΟΤΑ 21/1/2013
ΑΝΕΚΔΟΤΑ 21/1/2013
| Jokes by ArcaMax, sponsored today by: |
christos - Yours Absolutely Free: North American Hunter Magazine Subscription
The official publication of the North American Hunting Club brings you hunting tips & techniques from our team of experts to help take your skills to the next level! Each issue is packed full of the best hunting articles, tips, videos & more. GO: Get your digital subscription now - It's FREE! |
Flakey Murder
Two police officers respond to a crime scene behind a grocery store. The homicide detective is already there.
"What happened?" asks the first officer. "Male, about twenty-five, covered in Raisin Bran and dead as a doornail." "Good grief," says the second officer. "Didn't we have one covered in Frosted Flakes yesterday? And Captain Crunch last week?" "You're right. I'm afraid," said the detective as he took a drag from his cigar, "this is the work of a cereal killer." |
Sponsor
$250 in FREE Groceries!
Congratulations! You've been selected to participate in Top Brand Gift Card's Grocery Card promotion. Stop worrying where your next meal is coming from and feed your family with a FREE $250 grocery gift card, details apply. Choose from, including Whole Foods(R), Winn-Dixie(R), and more. To stock up on groceries, please follow this link. |
Algebraic symbols
Algebraic symbols are used when you do not know what you are talking about.
|
No Tail Light
"How long have you been driving without a tail light?" asked the policeman after pulling over a motorist.
The driver jumped out, ran to the rear of his car, and gave a long, painful groan. He seemed so upset that the cop was moved to ease up on him a bit. "Come on, now," he said, "you don't have to take it so hard. It isn't that serious." "It isn't?" cried the motorist. "Then you know what happened to my boat and trailer?" |
Who broke down the walls of Jericho?
The visiting Bible school supervisor asks little Johnny during Bible class, "Who broke down the walls of Jericho?"
Little Johnny replies, "I dunno, but it wasn't me!" The supervisor, taken aback by Johnny's lack of basic Bible knowledge goes to the school principal and relates the whole incident. The principal replies, "I know Little Johnny as well as his whole family very well and can vouch for them; if Little Johnny said that he did not do it, then I, as principal is satisfied that it is the truth." Even more appalled, the inspector goes to the regional Head of Education and relates the whole story... After listening he replies: "I can't see why you are making such a big issue out of this; just get three quotes and fix the wall!" |
Δευτέρα 21 Ιανουαρίου 2013
ΓΙΑ "ΑΝΕΜΟ"
Ενας Πολίτης είπε
Ιανουαρίου 20, 2013 στις 9:59 μμΠερνιέσαι για ισορροπημένος ;
Αν επισκεφτείς κάποιον ψυχίατρο να ξέρεις ότι πιθανότατα δεν πρόκειται να φύγεις με τα ίδια ρούχα που πήγες.
Καλό θα είναι φυσικά να πάρεις το ρίσκο για το καλό του εαυτού σου και των υπολοίπων. Η ψυχιατρική επιστήμη έχει προχωρήσει πολύ και θα βοηθηθείς σίγουρα.
Δεν σου μιλάω με ειρωνικό ή απαξιωτικό τόνο, αλλά πολύ σοβαρά.
Καλό θα ήταν να πράξουν αναλόγως και πολλοί άλλοι που δεν έχουν κοιταχθεί από ειδικούς στα νοσήματα της ψυχής.
Προσωπικά είμαι τσεκαρισμένος αρκετές φορές για επαγγελματικούς λόγους και δεν μιλάω έξω από τον χορό.
Κυριακή 20 Ιανουαρίου 2013
ΑΝΕΚΔΟΤΑ 19/1/2013
| Jokes by ArcaMax, sponsored today by: |
Are you looking to earn an extra $5 in 5 minutes each day by doing simple things such as taking short surveys and reading email? Join 5in5 now today for Free and you can do just that!
Earn $5 per day for doing things you already do! Plus, receive a $20 Opportunity when you join today! Make sure to complete the registration so that you receive your daily offer to earn $5 in 5 minutes! Click Here... |
Some Race Horses Were Talking
Some race horses staying in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record. "In the last 15 races, I've won 8 of them!"
Another horse breaks in, "Well in the last 27 races, I've won 19!!" "Oh that's good, but in the last 36 races, I've won 28!", says another, flicking his tail. At this point, they notice that a greyhound dog has been sitting there listening. "I don't mean to boast," says the greyhound, "but in my last 90 races, I've won 88 of them!" The horses are clearly amazed. "Wow!" says one, after a hushed silence. "A talking dog." |
Sponsor
Enter to win the keys to a brand new Lexus(R)GS!
Just take a short survey, and you'll be automatically entered to win. Don't want a new car? Then take the $50,000 cash instead. Enter here |
Joining The Army
As the family gathered for a big dinner together, the youngest son announced that he had just signed up at an army recruiter's office.
There were audible gasps around the table, then some laughter, as his older brothers shared their disbelief that he could handle this new situation. "Oh, come on, quit joking," snickered one. "You didn't really do that, did you?" "You would never get through basic training," scoffed another. The new recruit looked to his mother for help, but she was just gazing at him. When she finally spoke, she simply asked, "Do you really plan to make your own bed every morning?" |
A Penthouse in Heaven
The Pope dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, Saint Peter shows him to his new quarters which turn out to be a tiny one bedroom apartment.
The Pope is horrified and wants to know why he doesn't have the penthouse apartment, which is huge. Saint Peter informs him that the resident of the penthouse is a lawyer. "A lawyer," says the Pope. "But I'm the Pope, surely I'm more important." "With respect Sir," says Saint Peter, "We have lots of Pope's up here, but we only have ONE lawyer!" |
My Mother Taught Me
1. My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION... "Just wait until your father gets home."
2. My Mother taught me about RECEIVING.... "You are going to get it when we get home!" 3. My Mother taught me to MEET A CHALLENGE... "What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you! Don't talk back to me!" 4. My Mother taught me LOGIC... "If you fall out off that swing and break your neck, your not going to the store with me." 5. My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE... "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way." 6. My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD... "If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job." 7. My Mother taught me ESP... "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you're cold?" 8. My Mother taught me HUMOR... "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me." 9. My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT... "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up." 10.My Mother taught me about SEX.... "How do you think you got here?" 11.My Mother taught me about GENETICS... "You're just like your father." 12.My Mother taught me about my ROOTS... "Do you think you were born in a barn?" 13.My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE... "When you get to be my age, you will understand." 14.And my all time favorite... JUSTICE... "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you....Then you'll see what it's like." |
ΒΡΑΔΥΝΑ ΑΝΕΚΔΟΤΑ 18/1/2013
| Jokes by ArcaMax, sponsored today by: |
Enter to win the keys to a brand new Lexus(R)GS!
Just take a short survey, and you'll be automatically entered to win. Don't want a new car? Then take the $50,000 cash instead. Enter here |
Editor's Note: You receive Late Night Jokes because you are subscribed to the Jokes ezine. This PM edition is sent Monday through Friday.
Click here to stop receiving the evening edition. |
Late Night Funny #1
President Obama's inaugural parade will feature eight floats, including a Hawaii float to honor his birthplace, an Illinois float to honor the first lady’s home state, and a Kenyan float just to mess with Republicans.
Jimmy Fallon |
Sponsor
Are you younger or older than your calendar age?
Millions have already taken the amazing RealAge Test. Find out how old you really are! Add years to your life. Take the test and start growing younger today! |
Late Night Funny #2
Wal-Mart made plans to hire 100,000 U.S. Veterans. Which can only mean one thing: Wal-Mart is going to invade Costco.
Conan O'Brien |
Late Night Funny #3
The White House has rejected an online petition to build a planet-destroying Death Star like the one in the movie Star Wars. Officials said today the administration does not support blowing up planets. See, the White House believes the most effective way to destroy planets is with their economic policy.
Jay Leno |
Late Night Funny #4
President Obama told Congress it must raise our debt limit because the U.S. 'is not a deadbeat nation." Then the president added, 'By the way, if China calls, I'm not here.'
Conan O'Brien |
Free Classic Comics from ArcaMax
Start your morning with a laugh -- get free classic comics like Garfield and Peanuts delivered directly to you by e-mail every day from ArcaMax Comics.
ArcaMax has dozens of comics to choose from, all free to read on the website as well as by e-mail. Subscribe to Garfield instantly. Subscribe to Peanuts instantly. Check out all of ArcaMax's comics. -- From the ArcaMax editors |
Παρασκευή 18 Ιανουαρίου 2013
ΑΝΕΚΔΟΤΑ 18/1/2013
| Jokes by ArcaMax, sponsored today by: |
Enter to win the keys to a brand new Lexus(R)GS!
Just take a short survey, and you'll be automatically entered to win. Don't want a new car? Then take the $50,000 cash instead. Enter here |
Water in the Carburetor
WIFE: "There's trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor."
HUSBAND: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous." WIFE: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor." HUSBAND: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. I'll check it out. Where's the car?" WIFE: "In the pool." |
Sponsor
Are you younger or older than your calendar age?
Millions have already taken the amazing RealAge Test. Find out how old you really are! Add years to your life. Take the test and start growing younger today! |
Counting Sheep
Ferne Southern said she was staying with her 8-year-old granddaughter, Brooke, while her parents were out of town.
Brooke was delaying bedtime, as usual, so her grandmother told her about counting sheep to fall asleep. The 8-year-old thought that was a good idea. Everything was quiet for a while. But just as grandmother was dozing off, a voice sounded: "Nana?" "Yes?" "There are 38." |
Three Old Men
Three elderly gentlemen were talking about what their grandchildren would be saying about them fifty years from now.
"I would like my grandchildren to say, 'He was successful in business'," declared the first man. "Fifty years from now," said the second, "I want them to say, 'He was a loyal family man'." Turning to the third gent, the first gent asked, "So what do you want them to say about you in fifty years?" "Me?" the third man replied. "I want them all to say, "He certainly looks good for his age'!" |
Dinosaur Plumbing
Because I couldn't unplug the toilet with a plunger, I had to dismantle the entire fixture, no small feat for a non-plumber. Jammed inside the drain was a purple rubber dinosaur, which belonged to my five-year-old son. I painstakingly got all the toilet parts together again, the tank filled, and I flushed it.
However, it didn't work much better than before! As I pondered what to do next, my son walked into the bathroom. I pointed to the purple dinosaur I had just dislodged and told him that the toilet still wasn't working. "Did you get the green one, too?" he asked. |
ΒΡΑΔΥΝΑ ΑΝΕΚΔΟΤΑ 17/1/2013
| Jokes by ArcaMax, sponsored today by: |
Get FREE* Product Samples - Like Bounce - Snuggle Start saving today!
Want to get Free* samples of lot's of your favorite products like Dove & Pantene? Bounce & Snuggle? >> Click here to see which samples are available today! |
Editor's Note: You receive Late Night Jokes because you are subscribed to the Jokes ezine. This PM edition is sent Monday through Friday.
Click here to stop receiving the evening edition. |
Late Night Funny #1
President Obama’s team is promising special perks for donors who give at least a million dollars to the inauguration. Which is cool, but you know what else can get you a lot of perks? Keeping that million dollars.
Jimmy Fallon |
Sponsor
If you want your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend to come crawling back to you on their knees (no matter why you broke up and even if they're dating somebody else now) you need to watch this video right away...
This video teaches you the REAL reason you've failed to get your ex back. And how to use tiny little text messages to erase all the "bad times" and "mistakes" and create a whole new relationship with your ex. If you want your ex back, you've got to watch this! |
Late Night Funny #2
The Consumer Electronics Show is happening in Las Vegas and the most amazing gadgets are being talked about. One of the gadgets this year is a fork that tells you when you’re eating too fast. In a related story today, Chris Christie was spotted yelling at his fork to mind its own business. Chris Christie said to his fork, ‘Shut up or I’m going to switch to my friend — spoon.’
Conan O'Brien |
Late Night Funny #3
The mayor of Los Angeles, Antonio Villaraigosa, was seen partying in Mexico with Charlie Sheen. I believe that celebration is called ‘Cinco de Career-o.’ The mayor is denying it. He said he only saw Charlie for a minute, but Charlie said he and the mayor had a wild time in Mexico partying with a number of hot women. Who are you going to believe — a party boy who has never done anything in his life or Charlie Sheen?
Jay Leno |
Πέμπτη 17 Ιανουαρίου 2013
ΑΝΕ3ΚΔΟΤΑ 17/1/2013
| Jokes by ArcaMax, sponsored today by: |
Homeless Man Goes From Living In Van To Six Figure Income? A 31 year old homeless man went from living in a van, to making six figures on the Internet in just 2 years. Now he and his partner want to show you how you can do the same thing. Discover their amazing true story, and make 2013 the year you break free from financial bondage and create the life you deserve. How To Finally Generate A Six-Figure Income On The Internet |
ΒΡΑΔΥΝΑ ΑΝΕΚΔΟΤΑ
| Jokes by ArcaMax, sponsored today by: |
Time for Stricter Gun Control Laws?
PersonalLiberty.com, America's #1 news site for independent-minded individuals is conducting an urgent poll to find out if Americans believe stricter gun control is the way to prevent tragedies like the attack in Newtown, CT. Thousands will vote, and along with every American—your opinion matters! Make Washington listen! Click Here to vote now! |
Editor's Note: You receive Late Night Jokes because you are subscribed to the Jokes ezine. This PM edition is sent Monday through Friday.
Click here to stop receiving the evening edition. |
Late Night Funny #1
U.S. customs officials recently discovered 310 pounds of marijuana hidden in some frozen carrots. That's one way to keep kids away from drugs – put them in vegetables. Carrots and marijuana – how good will your vision be after THIS combination?
Jay Leno |
Sponsor
christos - Yours Absolutely Free: North American Hunter Magazine Subscription
The official publication of the North American Hunting Club brings you hunting tips & techniques from our team of experts to help take your skills to the next level! Each issue is packed full of the best hunting articles, tips, videos & more. GO: Get your digital subscription now - It's FREE! |
Late Night Funny #2
We’re $20 trillion in debt so somebody at the Treasury Department says that what we’ll do is print a coin for a trillion dollars. I’ve seen a prototype. It has a beautiful profile of Regis Philbin.
David Letterman |
Late Night Funny #3
To celebrate his birthday, North Korean leader Kim Jong Un sent two pounds of candy to every child in the country. Which explains why Honey Boo Boo has applied for dual citizenship..'
Jimmy Fallon |
Late Night Funny #4
The inauguration will have a lot of corporate sponsors, big money, and corporations sponsoring the inauguration. It will be the same with the Kardashian baby.
David Letterman |
Political Comics Available from ArcaMax
ArcaMax Edutirs
No matter what your side of the aisle, we've got comics sure to inspire discussion. Check outDoonesbury, Mallard Filmore, and more from ArcaMax Comics.
ArcaMax has more than 70 comics to read free by e-mail every morning. Subscribe to one or more of your favorites and start reading! Subscribe to Doonesbury instantly. Subscribe to Mallard Filmore instantly. View the full list of comics. -- From the ArcaMax editors |
Τετάρτη 16 Ιανουαρίου 2013
ΑΝΕΚΔΟΤΑ 18/1/2013
 | |
 |  |
 |  |
|
Εγγραφή σε:
Αναρτήσεις (Atom)