ΑΝΕΚΔΟΤΑ 14/1/2013

Jokes by ArcaMax, sponsored today by:

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Dumbest People Ever? - A medical student was working in the toxicology department at the poison control center. A woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. The medical student quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down, and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. The student told the mother that she better bring her daughter in to the emergency room right away. - Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on the work field decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. When they took it for a float on the river, they were quite surprised by a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator that is automatically activated when the raft is inflated. They are no longer employed there. - A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture of handcuffs. - A woman was reporting her car as stolen, and mentioned that there was a car phone in it. The policeman taking the report called the phone and told the guy that answered that he had read the ad in the newspaper and wanted to buy the car. They arranged to meet, and the thief was arrested. Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

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Anniversary Gift For their anniversary, a couple went out for a romantic dinner. Their teenage daughters said they would fix a dessert and leave it waiting. When they got home, they saw that the dining room table was beautifully set with china, crystal and candles, and there was a note that read: "Your dessert is in the refrigerator. We are staying with friends, so go ahead and do something we wouldn't do!" " I suppose," the husband responded dryly, "we could clean the house." Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

Politician's Sandwich On the Listening Tour, a prominent politician was pleased and proud that the local sandwich shop in a town he was visiting had named a sandwich after him. He was somewhat less pleased after he found out what was in it. "Mostly baloney," said the proprietor. Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

Bachelor Cooking Two confirmed bachelors sat talking. Their conversation drifted from politics to cooking. "I got a cookbook once," said the first, "but I could never do anything with it." "Too much fancy cooking in it, eh?" asked the second. "You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way - Take a clean dish and...." Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It

Funnies for Families Parents and kids alike will get a laugh out of comics like Zits, Rugrats, and more with free subscriptions to selections from the ArcaMax Funnies. ArcaMax features dozens of popular comics free to read online or by e-mail. Choose your favorites from classic strips to popular new artists, and subscribe to receive them every morning by e-mail! Subscribe to Zits instantly. Subscribe to Rugrats instantly. View the full list of comics. ====================================================================================   Jokes by ArcaMax, sponsored today by: Get a Degree in Business! Whether you are an entrepreneur looking to open the next greatest start-up or a manager looking to get a raise and a promotion - a business degree is THE way to prepare for success! With all the great online business degree options, you can get your degree on your time without having to quit your job! Learn More Today! Editor's Note: You receive Late Night Jokes because you are subscribed to the Jokes ezine. This PM edition is sent Monday through Friday. Click here to stop receiving the evening edition. Late Night Funny #1 You can use the trillion-dollar coin to pay off the national debt, or it will help you get a Kardashian. David Letterman Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It Sponsor Are you younger or older than your calendar age? Millions have already taken the amazing RealAge Test. Find out how old you really are! Add years to your life. Take the test and start growing younger today! Late Night Funny #2 A political opponent is accusing Governor Chris Christie of praying for Hurricane Sandy. In response, Christie said the only weather-related thing he’s ever prayed for is a Dairy Queen Blizzard. Conan O'Brien Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It Late Night Funny #3 To celebrate his birthday, North Korean leader Kim Jong Un sent two pounds of candy to every child in the country. Which explains why Honey Boo Boo has applied for dual citizenship. Jimmy Fallon Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It Late Night Funny #4 We’re $20 trillion in debt so somebody at the Treasury Department says that what we’ll do is print a coin for a trillion dollars. I’ve seen a prototype. It has a beautiful profile of Regis Philbin. David Letterman